Bi-Polar Bear

They say I am s'posed to be living in the Arctic Circle.    I think that is located somewhere between Depression and  Insanity  Anxiety.
Fuck it!  I need to go take a Xanax and half a Vicodin and I will be right back.......

Ok.  So I didn't come right back.  I am hear now.  Well for as long as my whacked out laptop will let me be.  See?  Did you see that?  It just kind of stopped letting me type.  I feel better today despite the fact that Hunter just came out on the porch to get the mail and I went to ask him something.  He's like, "What?!!!"  I said, "Never mind."  Then he told he didn't really have time cuz he had so much to do and something about 7 loads of laundry....etc.  Yes, I can see that is definitely an emergency.   Anything and everything is more important than talking a few minutes with his wife.  I do not nag.  I don't even ask for help with anything anymore.

Yes it's my fault.  I know.  I married him and I stay with him and so I don't ask for pity.  I just need place to write this down.  Percentage - wise....I would say he is 98% kind to everyone he talks to and that leaves....well, 2% for me, right?

I am gonna publish this before the computer shuts down on me again.
p.s.  Hi cousin Rob.

At least I showered!

Hm.  Why does that title sound familiar?  Did you know I have 4 more ducks on the wall?  And no, they don't cover all the holes that were either put there by Chuck or existing behind paneling-which I knew and told him were there.  (My late husband had to make due with the money he had so he could only panel over it.) But at least the holes were covered.  I am going to have Nutella and Graham Crackers for dinner.  Yum.  Yes, as a matter of fact it is diet food.  I heard the ad on TV and they can't say anything on TV that isn't true.  (Yeah, I kinda ripped that off.)  The tip of my tongue hurts.  I think I need a spoonful of yogurt.  It is soooo windy.  I put down ice melt as it was sunny today and the driveway is an ice rink and I don''t have my ice skates anymore so then I scraped it but it is all wet and in a couple days it is going to be super cold.  Sadly, I don't miss Maggie.  And yet.....I think I got so used to the biting that I may just bite myself.  I also sprayed my car gaskets so that my doors hopefully won't freeze.  I am going to my daughter's on Sunday.  Wanna do my laundry?  Actually I enjoy doing it and folding but putting it away when there  is to away to put it to?  Depression anyone?  I can't give you all of it but I will share.  Sounds like my son-in-law is going to be put to work in a different position.  He will still be traveling.  Doesn't matter.  As long as he still has a job when they laid off so many.   And my son will be having a CT of his head in one week because of his headaches.  He has to be attuned to anything unusual due to his tumor.  He isn't one for headaches and has been having too many and they are too painful.  Yesterday was the first day he didn't have a headache.  Hope you all have a good weekend.  Peace.

Premature Evacuation

I said evacuation!  Yeah.  No deal reached by midnight so I put on my parachute and jumped off the cliff and into the abyss.  No way was I going to wait to be pushed.  The abyss seemed oddly familiar to me.  I looked around and saw there were only about 14 of us.  Where was everyone?  I got a text the following day telling me that the fiscal cliff was averted at the last minute.  Well no...it was after the last minute, right?  What really shocked me was the fact that my phone worked in the abyss.  It rarely has signal.  We got busy climbing out and I was glad to have my little multi-tool with me.  Made it to the top and it was as if nothing had happened.

Saw Matt and Deb and the kids yesterday before they flew back home to Florida.  Mmmm.  Warmth.  Oh.  Did I tell you we broke a record set in 1878?  310 consecutive days of temps above 32 or 34 degrees.  That would be fine except that it means no snow.  It's January and STILL no snow?  Maybe it is the end of the world. 

A word on Maggie Mae.  She is about 7 1/2 months old.  We had to put our other lab down in July of 2010 or 2011.  And she was awesome!!!!!!  She belonged to my son and his wife.  They worked long hours and so we got her when she was about a year old.  Best dog ever.  Maggie is also very smart like Belle was.  I know Maggie is just a pup but I take it personally.  I have tried everything.  She sees me as a "playmate".  I have even tried the dominance thing where you tell them NO (when they do something bad) then get on top of them and push them into the floor.  Oh,....she thinks this is great fun.  I know she will grow out of it.  I know.  It's just that I can't be fighting depression and her at the same time.  I know she will grow up and be the one comforting me by licking the tears from my eyes.  But as for now......?  How'd you all like some dog stew?

And so it goes.  I was trying not to take a nap yesterday but then Chuck came to the door while I was out smoking, and pulled down his boxers and.....ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  He has never done this before.  I am the one who always hollers to him out the window and when he looks, I lift up my shirt.  So yeah.  I ended up taking a "nap."  Just woke up a couple hours ago having slept 8 hours.  It was 1 AM when I awoke.  I really don't think I can go back to sleep.  I want to go work up in our office-year end and all that-but it is right next to our bedroom and I don't want to wake Chuck up.  I could do laundry.  It's in the basement.  And in case anyone wants to know what I want next Christmas.....that would be a ranch house with a laundry room  RIGHT THERE!  No hauling clothes up and down 2 flights of stairs.  Don't need crown moulding or a viking oven or sub-zero fridge.  Hell, I'd even be OK with just an outhouse if I could have my laundry RIGHT THERE.

Guess I'd better get back to it here.  If I don't smoke those cigarettes, no one else will.  Peace.

This was Maggie Mae at 7 weeks old.  See how cute?  Should have gotten her teeth pulled right then and there!

Tweaked my back doin'the twist.

Not the dance.  More the twist as I was putting things in the dishwasher.  I can feel it a little but I think I worked out most of the kinks mowing the lawn.  I need to hang laundry and have lots of other things to do today.  But for now I am sitting here trying to cool off.  It is cool in the shade.  Almost too cool.

Hunter went to his podiatrist yesterday.  She cut off both sides of the nails on his big toes and put stuff on it so they won't grow back.  It's about ingrown toenails.  I need to change his bandages everyday.  He can't breathe when he bends down.  And why I am talking about this is beyond me.  I hate other peoples feet. Ick and Yuck!  If you have a foot fetish, that is your choice but get off this page cuz...well....just YUCK! 

By the way.....*insert scary music here*.....while I was typing that last paragraph it all disappeared and went into this shut down mode  reconfiguring and to not turn off computer.  WTF!---------------------------------------------------------------------sorry for the interruption here but Hunter said there was something wrong with the printer and he needed me to come there right away.  He wanted to know what I did that broke it.  You read that right.....what I did.  This is not a technical problem but more of a break the plastic parts thing.  Who do we know that throws or forces things that he doesn't understand!  Who lacks the patience to figure something out?  Bah.  Then he has me get on the phone with his lover taxidermist's brother-who is really a neat guy by the way-to see where to take it for repairs.  Of course it isn't worth repairing.  The guy said to just order another one from Dell or go to Tiger Direct.

Better sign off here before there's another interruption, like a lightening strike.  Peace.

Get Your Balls Off My Porch!

Hunter woke me up after I'd only had 6 hours of sleep.  "Come on.  Wake up and get going!"
Me.  "Where are we going?"
Hunter.  "Get up!  You have housework to do."
I obeyed like a pussy.  So I got up and without even sweeping and vacuuming the two small floors, I mopped them with one of those "pretend" mops where you put the wet thingie on it.  And while this is probably an excuse.....Why would I be inspired to do anything in those two rooms?  There is still no baseboards in either room and while the door is framed out and the door is in place, there is no moulding around it.  Yup!  "Step right up ladies and gentlemen!  See the naked lady standing at the sink!"  No charge as the bathroom is right off the kitchen. House is over 100 years old so yeah, that's how they did it back then.  Guess I should be glad I don't have to go out back to an outhouse.  I actually think I would prefer that.
 
I haven't even cleaned the porch this year.  I have chairs which I would like to replace as they are over 30 years old.  But to be fair, you can't find "real" chairs out there.  I would like some nice big real wood chairs.  I always put a picture on the porch right between the 2 windows.  And often put up sheers that gently sway in the breeze.  I put them only on the side where the sun hits.  It really is kind of sexy.  This year my "table" is a carved monkey holding a round base at the top.  If you like it.....fine.  Damn sure I didn't pick it out. Another one of the overpriced things Hunter purchased at the taxidermist's.  Yeah, from the guy who owes us $25,000.

Ahhhhh.  Title issue solved.  See, I was going to tell you about the fact that after our garage sale, Hunter's put his work-out balls on the porch along with the pump.  They have been out here rolling around for aver a month now.  First he said he was taking them to the club where he works out.  Well, he actually joined right before we left for vacation for a month and a half.  He purchased a 3 month membership.  Went about 3 times.  What?  No, it's ok.  This is usual for him.  Then--since that didn't happe- he said the neighbor ladies grand daughter was going to take them.  Didn't happen either.  I  just asked him-as he came out front to tell me he was going to a guys house and would be gone a half hour-what he was going to do with the balls.  Well first I asked if he wanted to take them to Gary's house and through them in the pond.  He responded that he was going to punch holes in them and throw them in the garbage.  Fine with me!

I have a load of laundry to hang on the line before I go to my therapist.  Had my permanent crown put on yesterday.  We went to church last night.  Bought another camera to replace the one I can't find the receipt for.  And I bought a damn warranty-which I don't believe in-because knowing me......
Anyway, it is good for an additional 2 years after the manufacturers one year warranty runs out.  BTW, I kept the old camera as the battery and chargers ore fine.  If I should happen to find the reciept before November, I can still return it.  Pray I find it.

Alarm on phone just went off which means my clothes are ready to be hung.
Have decided if Hunter starts the money thing with me again-that allowance crap and all-I will just tell him that I am not having this conversation again.  That we are married.  If he continues.....I will either walk away or tell him he is an idiot and that he needs to learn what being married is all about and then I will walk away.

Rare But Effective.

And so today I have my WAR DEPARTMENT face on.  Better watch your shit or I will kill you!!!!!  A soldier trumps a hunter any day.  I will win so.......bring it!!!!  And no.  This isn't a guest post.

"We'll get up early and get the yard raked and mowed."  Now anytime I hear the words 'get up early' , that makes me unsettled.  I get a call up the stairs that Hunter is going out to the farm this morning and that Maggie has been out and peed and did I want him to put her in the bathroom.  I said no.  Can anyone tell me why he had to wake me up to tell me this?  So I am awake and he is gone.  I went down to do laundry and he has a 5 gallon plsc. pail in the laundry tub that our water from the washer drains into.  I couldn't lift the pail.  Well I'm sure I could have, being a warrior and all. But it was full of water to the top aaaaand, there was a water melon in it.  And I was told by the Cardio/Thorasic surgeon not to be lifting heavy things.
Hunter comes home and I see he is loaning our yard waste cart to the neighbor.   Really? And where am I supposed to but all the crap I am raking up?  Bend over baby.  I know where I'd like to put the twigs and bark. 
I told him to get that pail out of the sink.  Then I started my raking and he says, "I thought you were doing laundry."  I asked if he got the bucket out of the sink yet.  He said no so I got to raking.  I started smelling this incredible food cooking and wondered who was cooking.  Found out it was Hunter.  I was in the front of the house.  The kitchen is in the back of the house.  We have the windows closed and the air conditioning on.  How could the smell be so strong?  *insert sarcasm here* Is it because the new windows were never trimmed inside?  It's only been about 2 months since Hunter and his friend installed them.  Aaaand we found out how the bats get in the house.  Two of our windows have a screen on only the one side.  When the window is opened on that side, there is nothing to prevent bugs and sneaky bats from flying in the gap between the the windows. 

I may go grocery shopping.  What do you guys think about me making a nice stew seasoned with     D-con? 

I told Hunter that I'd decided  not to mow because the mowers are buried in the garage.  It is summer.  Am I the only one who thinks the mower should be readily available?  There I go thinking like a girl again.  He knows I am pissed.  He said he would get the mower out for me.  I will see if he does.  If not, then he and Maggie can just go outside and chew the longer blades of grass right up!  He also wants me to start alternating between the two mowers.  I love the old one. It is small and fits in all the little spaces.  I do not like the new one.  He bought it for me when he was in Wisconsin.  Um....what?  I didn't know he was going to do this.  It is too big.  It is self propelled and flies so fast that a smaller person would trail behind it like a streamer!  And cup holder?  Nice touch.  Wonder which one of his'boyfriends' told him to buy that one?  Did I mention that my yard is small?

Enough.  I have to review my battle plan.