I'd rather stay home.

I am sick and tired of all this shit.  The trip stuff.  The house rental.  The whole idea.  It will be too cold to swim.  I don't want to stay in someone  house.  I'd rather stay in a hotel/motel for a week and then go to another location and do the same each week.  If we got far enough south in Fl. it would probably be warm enough to swim.  I know we are going here and there to visit Hunter's friends and I would rather rent a place at each town.  But NOooooo.  All his friends rent homes or condos or whatever.  He says this is a "fact finding" mission.  Really?  What.  Like Mission Impossible: Bringing the wife along.  I haven't even 'seen' it yet but I can tell you it won't be pretty.  'Course I will pretend I am ok.  I dropped out of acting class so I didn't get to the part where they covered faking fun.  But ya know.....Liquor would probably help.  Or I could get lost.  Or fall and break a leg.  I know I sound like a party pooper but here's the thing.  We do what Hunter wants.  He talks like he'll let me do some fun things but he won't enjoy it and, well you know it won't happen.  He also monopolizes all conversations and people listen even when he interrupts as I am speaking.  He is loud.  He is a good people person as far as asking them questions and showing genuine interest but...my therapist says the reason people don't call him on anything is because who does?  She means that others are just being polite.  I don't know but I have talked to him about this.  whoops!  I only meant to come up here to check an email.  Gotta go run errands.
Tomorrow I am going to my daughter's to celebrate granddaughter Meadows birthday.  We will go to lunch and to the mall.  Will see if I come away feeling bogged down by the bad vibes-and I don't mean that in a New Age way-but rather with joy.   Peace.

1 degree of separation.....

between me and a snowman!  A popsicle.  My therapist told me to have a pajama day tomorrow as did my 89 year old neighbor even though you know damn well that she'll be out there doing whatever even if for a short amount of time.  I want to be her when I grow up.  Or, Hey!  Betty White!
You know what word you never hear anymore?  Hyman.  Hymen?  Well I have apparently confused the hell out of spell check.  You know which one I mean.  Is it cuz it has been so long since I had one?  Maybe it's "Hi man!"   So now I am thinking hyena.  Not tired or drunk.  Kinda freestyling it tonight I guess.  "Roll with me baby."  And so, when it snows, I will blow it....ya know, I've been wanting to get this off my chest for awhile now.  BJ?  Wrong choice of words.  It's sucking, not blowing.
I will need to have one of the neighbor guys start the snowblower for me as I have never used this new one.  Maybe I can get it going.  It takes regular gas and is electric start so if I can find where the gas goes and where the plug goes,.....

You guys are always right!

I had some anxiety the other day and couldn't figure out why.  Once I called my daughter-but actually got my son-in-law,..I talked briefly to him and realized it was this trip  money for Cain that was bothering me and once I told them I couldn't help, it was like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.  I am not responsible.  As much as I love him it is his parents responsibility to take care of this if they can even afford it.  You don't always get what you want.  I am not a cold-hearted person.  You all know that.  They already owe us $20,000.00 and that isn't chump change not are we rich that it is a drop in the bucket.  And then to see how they still haven't learned to budget.  So on to the next thing.  It is snowing and had thawed a bit prior and temps. will be dropping.  I need to go run errands and hopefully will get them done before it's gets too icey and slippery.  I have lived here long enough that driving in this doesn't phase me.  But you never know what other drivers will do.  I am fielding calls for Hunter about Florida rentals and he is in Texas hunting....well, I am not sure, other than hogs.  Probably anything that moves.  Glad he is enjoying his life while he can.  Gotta go but will make time to check on some blogs later.  Kisses!

Snow!

Will continue through the night.  We went to Hunter's G.P.  then to a movie to have popcorn for dinner.  Saw Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.  Was really, really good!  Odd but Hunter didn't much care for it.  I am tired and looking forward to cuddling up under the down comforter.  My daughter had to take my grand daughter for her french horn lesson but it had been canceled and her phone was messed up and she didn't get the message?  Anyway, it took her 2 HOURS to get home.  Yikes.  But all are safe and sound.  She did bring up that grandson Cain has the opportunity to go to Germany in 2013.  They need about $4000.00.  My first thought was to tap into my 401K.  Then I'm thinking.....what do I have that I can sell so he can go.  Antiques, jewelry etc.  But I hate feeling like I am bad if I can't do this for him.  I know these feelings are my own doing but.......sometimes you can't help how you feel.  So what should I do?  Start buying lottery tickets?

Like when you get better when you finally decide to go to the doctor.

So I finally contacted Jeremy's dad, the computer wizard and by that, I mean he makes computer geeks look like a one year old child.  It's like he speaks a foreign language.  He didn't do anything other than talk to me about the keyboard and also a laptop.  Do see me now ?  My keyboard has recovered all on it's own.  As I said, it's like when you are finally sick enough that you make that doctor appt. and you are fine the day of the appt.  But I am happy.  For now.
The last part of my last post was me showing how things showed up if I just typed normally with out hitting a key many times and going slow to check ever letter on the screen.  Just this, writing this I feel happy!!!  As for the laptop, I know what to get.  See, I almost picked up a keyboard yesterday but Hunter said I had to check with Jim.  Geez,  isn't it  too bad I am so stupid?  If you know me you'd be laughing your ass off.  At least now I can get the stuff I need because Jim said so.  Duh.
Today Hunter has physical therapy for his pinched nerve in his neck.  We also have to pick up his truck which we took in late last night to get an oil, lube and one other thing that I can't remember.
Speaking of memory......I heard on the news that people who smoke pot 20 times a month or less have better short-term memory than people who don't smoke anything at all.  And they also have better lung function that non-smokers.  Now a heavy pot smoker has equal memory and lung function than a non-smoker.  When I say non-smoker, I mean someone who smokes neither pot nor cigs.  So.....for the betterment of my health, I just need to switch brands. No more Pall Malls.  I'll be smoking dope.  Yay!!!!!
Tonight we go to Outback Steak House with that other couple I showed my bra to although it was Hunter I was showing it to cuz I was pissed.  They just happened to be there.  I will have only one drink and let Hunter be the only idiot at the table.  Steak yum.  Outback.  Not so much.
Last day of warmer temps and a "snow storm" watch.  My dad used to get mad that the media hyped this all up.  I on the other hand see it as empty promises.  First of all....3 to 6" does not a snowstorm make.  Second-It usually doesn't happen.  We shall see.  Is it wrong if I ask you all to pray for snow?

I was just sitting outside and it was absolutely gorgeous.  Sunshine and 55 degrees. 
Truck will stay in the shop overnight again cuz it needs new brakes on the one side on the rear so we are having both sides done.  Hunter asked, I said asked if he could use my vehicle to go to therapy and also to dinner tonight. He asked before he told the guy to go ahead and do the work.  I said, "Not unless you fill up the gas tank".  He said he would.  (see, it's all that allowance thing). 

My other new thing is that I am praying for peace and working on a REAL relationship with God.  I have always believed.....no, I have always known but now I am going to do more than just give lip service to it.  It is a personal thing and I am already feeling better but I will need to keep at it.  Peace.

A lesson for my own good

 It came to me today that God is helping me learn to trust Him and become completely dependent on Him.  This worrying about my financial future is unnecessary and in fact detrimental to my happiness.

I will not be posting much because my keyboard is in a deep coma and I would have to be half in the bag to be able to tolerate pressing the 'm' key 12 times before it actually prints.  The new keyboard I got is the wrong one.  I will be reading and if you receive any comments that sound like gibberish, it's me.  I will get a new keyboard and probably a laptop so.....

And yeah, sounds like this 'allowance' thing is for real.   Hunter  asked if I had  contacted my investment company so I can pay for my cigs and stuff.  Um...No.   I  am  not taking money out of an IRA.  That's yreen.  sad tevnthoughh hs es ngieanis rn t sp aisefoe  de..l lbe v.    <<<<  and THAT is why I won't be posting!!!!!!!

Can you help me with my math?

Northern Illinois + January 6th = SNOW!   Well, I must not be figuring this right cuz today it was 55 degrees and I was raking leaves.  And sweating.  Sunshine cheered me up but...seriously?  No snow yet?  We need a bigger garage because I guess we need access to the snow shovels, ice melt and snow blower-in my dreams, right?-and also the rakes and lawn mower. 
Not much else.  Took down Christmas decorations outside and the porch looks naked.  Oh wait, maybe that was me.  Haven't heard from my daughter in awhile.   I am leaving it up to her to call me.  I know she has a busy life but she only seems to call if she needs something.  We were supposed to celebrate Christmas with them on New Year's Day.  She was sick and hasn't said anything about us coming over.  No problem really.  I just kind of wish she would call every once in awhile to see how I'm doing.

I want to thank all of you for your comments.  I do appreciate them.

Just went back and read comments on my last post.  I am pleased to know that I am normal.  You guys have described life as I always thought it was and should be.  I think I let Hunter get to me.  Allowed him to make me feel boring or inadequate.  Nope.  I have simple dreams.  I am low maintenance and easy to please.  Laughter.  Touching. Thoughtfulness.  Being together.  Being apart.
I