I forgot to go to bed.

It's 5:23 AM and I still haven't gone to bed. What's up with that?  There's no reason why I would stay up and yet here I am.  So now I will stay up another hour so I can take my pills.  I will be up Wed. morning at 6AM so.......
Then I will go to bed.  I can warm up the car later when I wake up.  I did so yesterday, even going to fill my gas tank.  I don't want it to get below a half tank when it is so cold.
Hunter left Sunday for Texas and weather has been horrendous.  He had to stop in Bloomington the first night cuz it was a complete white-out.  Then he got going again the next day and a lot of vehicles were off the roads but he soldiered on.  Last call was from St. Lewis Missouri.

Yeah I know this is boring.  But I haven't slept yet so my wit and charm are numb right now.

High Blood Pressure
II Diabetes
Sleep Apnea
COPD
Severe Depression
and a Right Ascending  Aortic Aneurysm.

Makes you wish I was your girlfriend, right?

Am I old enough for a nursing home?  All I do is talk about my ailments and the weather.  Plus I do love Bingo.That pink or lilac hair rinses would be cool too.  And I hate to cook .Man...my knee is really hurting.  SEE!  There I go again.  Guess my list is incomplete.  I also have arthritis and a partially torn Meniscus.

I am too tired for any scintelatibg conversation so will go and read a few posts and leave a few incoherent comments.  Joy and Sweet Dreams!

You can't rake snow.

Oh snap.  And yard waste gets picked up Wednesday morning.

 No problem.  We still have 2 more weeks of pick up.

Besides,  I LOVE SNOW!!!!

 

 

 

Hunter is off hunting for the month.  He really hasn't been feeling well lately.

But at least he's taking his medicine.

 

 

I am too tired depressed lazy to blog or do laundry or empty the dishwasher or anything.  I did get groceries but feel like it's too much trouble to put together a salad.  A salad people.  Are you kidding me?????   I blame the fact that it's too cold or too dark or....well anything I can think of.

 

Really, there is nothing wrong with me.  Oh I know laziness is not normal behavior.  But then....we all know I am kind of a freak.

All I do is whine.  Seriously.  How hard is it to get  off my ass and put one foot in front of the other and actually do something.  What's next?  Depends?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

m.i.a.

Chuck is home from hunting.  He got home late Monday night after 3 weeks in Texas and Missouri.  Two days after getting home he went hunting for the day in Wisconsin.  His hunting gear is all over the house, on top of the washer and dryer, in the kitchen, the bed. 
He is two people at once, everyday.  He is not present here.  He is alternately angry, nice, crabby and far away.  I hear him talking to people on the phone about re-mortgaging the house again-the house that was paid off in 1988 when it was mine.  No, I am not 107 years old.  My 2nd husband had mortgage insurance that paid off the house in case he died.  He talks to people about our upcoming vacation.  The one we were going to skip this year and use the money to fix up the house instead.  Or we would take an "us" vacation.  Doing things alone together including visiting his son's family.   Can I just mention here that he has never been to Nevada to see my son's family.?  I hear him on the phone talking about going hunting here and there along the way, about visiting different people he knows from here that are down in Florida.  He can see them anytime at home.  That is not the vacation I have in mind and we had discussed this.  He has been very controlling and was mean to the dog.  Just hearing her cry when he does this twisting/pulling on her ear, it instantly makes me cry.  Yelling and putting me down about not finding some insurance thing he needs to send in for his car plate renewal....something we have never had to do before.  He yelled that I was stupid and that the directions were RIGHT HERE!  Yeah, on the back of the slip he had to send back with the check.  Did I mention the place to write the numbers down-no instructions attached as he did something with them......they were written in ghost ink.  Faint.  No, very faint.  Could hardly read them.  Then it's an, "Oh can I help you with that?" or the sweety and honey stuff.  His moods change instantaneously.
I am talking a gamut of things cycling every 5-20 minutes.  How do I keep up with that?  It can't be bi-polar.  It can't be tourettes.  What the hell is it?  Hunting withdrawal?
So that's why I haven't posted I guess.  Plus, whenever I am up here, he mysteriously appears as though he is checking on me.
I have been grinding my teeth and having headaches and nausea and a fluttering in my chest.
I will get to reading posts when I can.  I love to read posts. 
Peace.

No deer for the Hunter.

I hadn't heard from Hunter in almost a week.  Usually he calls me about 3 times a week when I am home and he is gone.  Before I left for Vegas....he called me every couple of days.  I finally got ahold of him.  All is good so, yay!  My DIL's sister made Eggs Benedict for breakfast.  Yummo!  My favorite.

Christmas decorating has been put off  'till this coming weekend.  We were just too busy.  Since I was baptised, my neck stopped hurting.  I am guessing that leaning back into the water was just the thing I needed.  I am  smoking at least 1/3rd less cigs here.  There are people to do things with.  And so much less stress.  At home, 5 out of 7 days I wake up and anxiety-almost a panic-sets in even before I get out of bed.  Since I have been here-6 days-I have only had one such moment and it was mild.

Tomorrow I will get up early and go with John and Jenn to drop off the kids at school and then to my son's Endocrinologist appt. He was there and had his blood drawn but they never called with the results-which they had-but now they need him to come in to get his prescription for Testosterone.  He has been out of it for a month and a half.  It is very important he has that medication.  He takes several meds. because of his tumor, it's location and pituitary function. 

There are three dogs I want to take home with me.  2 are Mastiffs and one is a teacup Chihuaua.  I wish.  They love me. 

You can see all the lights of the strip from almost any dirrection we drive.  And the mountains.  So beautiful!!!!!  It is about 70 degrees almost every day.  I could soooo see living here.  But then, I haven't experienced a sizzling summer.

Hope you are all well and just wanted to tell you that I am happy every day.

Spell Check isn't working so please ignore any spelling errors.  I can't spell to save my life.

I need more drugs!!!!!

Maggie is fine.  Hunter is leaving soon for hunting or whatever the hell it is he really does.  I am going to Vegas a day or two before he gets home.  He finally said he would pay for my flight but no spending money.  I said I would be fine.  He was shocked that I didn't respond the way he wanted to.  He likes to argue.  Then he asked if I had called my investment (IRA) people to have them send me money.  I said no.  I didn't need any.  I told him my son and daughter-in-law would feed me.  You know....I could get into all his bullshit but I won't bore you.  I think you pretty well know the drill with him.  I even got my starter husband to agree to drive me to the airport and also pick me up.  How cool is that?  I know Hunter is frustrated that he can't get me all pissed off.  Funny thing is...this morning I wasn't feeling good because of all the stress the last week or so.  And he asks if I am OK.  And it really does feel like he cares but eventually it all comes up in a negative way when he is yelling at me.  We went to the apple orchard and while I was literally falling asleep, we got a bunch of stuff and had a good time.  He even seemed concerned cuz I kept falling asleep in the truck.  I NEVER do that.  So that tells you how I have been feeling.  Now he's threatening to take away the   discover card.  It is what I use for gas and cigs.  I get no  money.  None.  He's an ass but I won't leave.  I just need to learn to ignore him.  I have alot of medical needs and could never afford it on my own.  The one thing I won't do is touch my retirement.  He can try all he wants to get me to do so.  Not gonna happen.  Never.  It is the only thing I can count on.   If worse comes to worse-I know, how much worse could it get-I will quit taking any pills and die if that's the way it will be.  But hey, he can't take away my insurance as long as we are married. 
I will be fine.  I just need to go deaf and ignore him.  If anyone leaves.....it's gonna be him.
Looking forward to spending a month away from him!!!!!!!!

Nothing in Common.

Really.  We have nothing in common.
 I didn't clean the pan well enough.  Why do I have an ashtray soaking in the sink when we have a laundry sink downstairs.
  I stay in and try not to smoke and try to watch a movie with him but it just never works.  He criticizes everything, or at least it feels that way to me.

I compliment him.  He compliments other women. 
I ask if he is OK.  He says, "What's wrong with you now?"

We are going to a wedding this weekend.  I have heard him tell others that we (he?) might just parlay that into our trip to upper New England.   I think I heard him say that it would be 3-4 days there and 3-4 days back so that he will be back to go up to Brian's farm to hunt.  You know Hunter no longer hunts, right?  No.  He'll buy a license and let someone else fill the tag. He hangs out in bars. He will butcher the animals.  He makes Brian dinner every night and does chores all day for him, including electrical. I could complain about the lack of lighting here but I have finally given up.

Opps.  Got off track there.  This trip.  Do any of you know about it?  Could you fill me in?  We-and I use the term lightly-have not discussed it.  I know it sounds awesome to some of you but it is not what you think,  especially now that we have a dog again.  You do not understand the love affair Hunter has with his dogs.  Let's illustrate here.  The train is coming........He snatches up the dog just in the nick of time and I, of course, am dead, having been slammed into by the train.  Our trips generally involve visiting friends of his that also vacation late winter/early spring.  This one would seem to be a trip for us as I do not think he know anyone along the way.  But I dont' understand the concept of just going and not staying or enjoying anything.  Is it just so that he can tell everyone that he is taking his wife there because she's always wanted to go?  He has always said he would never go to the east coast because he doesn't want to.  It holds no interest for him.  After that, I would only mention it once in a great while.  One year he went hunting in Maryland.  He flew.  He wouldn't fly with me, and he wouldn't go there.  Can anyone see why I felt he had cheated on me?

Any women out there who would leave if they were financially able to?  Yeah, I see all those hands going up.  We should all band together and Hooker our way to financial freedom.

This Following is a Public Service Anouncement

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Please call our law firm.  Dewey, Cheetum and Howe.  see what we can do for you.

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This time it is my ex-husband (age 61) and his wife (age 72).   He is the father of my children including my daughter who was just evicted Aug.15th.

I went to have my blood work done yesterday and will have my C.T. Thursday.  Tomorrow I spent the whole day at the hotel where my daughter is staying so I can take care of the dog.  Not sure what will come after that.  As far as I know....she still won't be able to get into the townhouse until Sept. 1st.  I know we will be moving stuff and cleaning beginning Sunday at the latest.  I have been exhausted the past two days and can't imagine how I will feel during this moving process.   We will not have to move much..  Most will stay in storage until Jeremy comes home and can rent u-haul to move the rest.  That should be somewhere near the end of Sept.  Dawn and I will only be going to the storage units to get the main things like mattresses and such.

Hunter was gone fishing overnight and will be home this afternoon.  Then he leaves again tomorrow and will be gone about 2 weeks.  I would like to get some stuff done.  I need energy.  I think I need speed.  That's what we called it in the old days.  Gives you incredible energy and also helps you lose weight.  Hook me up?

Peace.