Friday, February 8, 2013

m.i.a.

Chuck is home from hunting.  He got home late Monday night after 3 weeks in Texas and Missouri.  Two days after getting home he went hunting for the day in Wisconsin.  His hunting gear is all over the house, on top of the washer and dryer, in the kitchen, the bed. 
He is two people at once, everyday.  He is not present here.  He is alternately angry, nice, crabby and far away.  I hear him talking to people on the phone about re-mortgaging the house again-the house that was paid off in 1988 when it was mine.  No, I am not 107 years old.  My 2nd husband had mortgage insurance that paid off the house in case he died.  He talks to people about our upcoming vacation.  The one we were going to skip this year and use the money to fix up the house instead.  Or we would take an "us" vacation.  Doing things alone together including visiting his son's family.   Can I just mention here that he has never been to Nevada to see my son's family.?  I hear him on the phone talking about going hunting here and there along the way, about visiting different people he knows from here that are down in Florida.  He can see them anytime at home.  That is not the vacation I have in mind and we had discussed this.  He has been very controlling and was mean to the dog.  Just hearing her cry when he does this twisting/pulling on her ear, it instantly makes me cry.  Yelling and putting me down about not finding some insurance thing he needs to send in for his car plate renewal....something we have never had to do before.  He yelled that I was stupid and that the directions were RIGHT HERE!  Yeah, on the back of the slip he had to send back with the check.  Did I mention the place to write the numbers down-no instructions attached as he did something with them......they were written in ghost ink.  Faint.  No, very faint.  Could hardly read them.  Then it's an, "Oh can I help you with that?" or the sweety and honey stuff.  His moods change instantaneously.
I am talking a gamut of things cycling every 5-20 minutes.  How do I keep up with that?  It can't be bi-polar.  It can't be tourettes.  What the hell is it?  Hunting withdrawal?
So that's why I haven't posted I guess.  Plus, whenever I am up here, he mysteriously appears as though he is checking on me.
I have been grinding my teeth and having headaches and nausea and a fluttering in my chest.
I will get to reading posts when I can.  I love to read posts. 
Peace.

8 comments:

YeamieWaffles said...

I really hate it when Hunter's a bit of a dick to you, especially when it's giving you a huge amount of stress and pain. Re-mortgaging might be a good idea although it has been a long time un-mortgaged which is pretty cool.

Ashley Barnes said...

Stay strong! Blessings!

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...

Sister! How the Hell can he re-mortgage the house without your signature???
I know that we each have our limits and there is no way I'd stand by a person that mistreatsd a defenseless animal in silence.
Big fucking loser is what he is!
RUN and take the animals with you.
(((hugs)))

klahanie said...

Dear friend,

Mercifully, this time I shall leave but a brief comment. Together, in hope, we cope. Like so many others, I'm here for you. Keep verbalising when you wish. And prying eyes need to know that you are entitled to your personal space. Try to have a peaceful weekend.

Your friend,

Gary

Kristy said...

Hang in there.Keep venting so you can find some peace.

Elsie The Writer said...

My heart goes out to you. Know that we are here, listening.

Pajama Days in a Klonopin Haze said...

And your still with him, why? The first time anyone, I don't care who it is, twisted or pulled one of my dogs ears, cussed at me, etc. he wouldn't know what had hit him. It made me sick to my stomach just hearing that part about the poor defenseless dog who gives nothing but love and expects nothing back but love. I'm sorry but I just don't get the "stay strong", "hang in there", "cope" or any other comment that even suggests you stay with someone like this and put up with it. Oops that's my bad mommy blogger side coming out, get out before something serious happens.

Powdered Toast Man said...

sounds like he needs a good swift kick in the nads.