Sunday, September 16, 2012

Nothing in Common.

Really.  We have nothing in common.
 I didn't clean the pan well enough.  Why do I have an ashtray soaking in the sink when we have a laundry sink downstairs.
  I stay in and try not to smoke and try to watch a movie with him but it just never works.  He criticizes everything, or at least it feels that way to me.

I compliment him.  He compliments other women. 
I ask if he is OK.  He says, "What's wrong with you now?"

We are going to a wedding this weekend.  I have heard him tell others that we (he?) might just parlay that into our trip to upper New England.   I think I heard him say that it would be 3-4 days there and 3-4 days back so that he will be back to go up to Brian's farm to hunt.  You know Hunter no longer hunts, right?  No.  He'll buy a license and let someone else fill the tag. He hangs out in bars. He will butcher the animals.  He makes Brian dinner every night and does chores all day for him, including electrical. I could complain about the lack of lighting here but I have finally given up.

Opps.  Got off track there.  This trip.  Do any of you know about it?  Could you fill me in?  We-and I use the term lightly-have not discussed it.  I know it sounds awesome to some of you but it is not what you think,  especially now that we have a dog again.  You do not understand the love affair Hunter has with his dogs.  Let's illustrate here.  The train is coming........He snatches up the dog just in the nick of time and I, of course, am dead, having been slammed into by the train.  Our trips generally involve visiting friends of his that also vacation late winter/early spring.  This one would seem to be a trip for us as I do not think he know anyone along the way.  But I dont' understand the concept of just going and not staying or enjoying anything.  Is it just so that he can tell everyone that he is taking his wife there because she's always wanted to go?  He has always said he would never go to the east coast because he doesn't want to.  It holds no interest for him.  After that, I would only mention it once in a great while.  One year he went hunting in Maryland.  He flew.  He wouldn't fly with me, and he wouldn't go there.  Can anyone see why I felt he had cheated on me?

Any women out there who would leave if they were financially able to?  Yeah, I see all those hands going up.  We should all band together and Hooker our way to financial freedom.


Unknown said...

or do what we did,, Kill him off.

klahanie said...

Something tells me you are better than the crap you endure.
You, dear lady have given him permission to devalue your humanity. I always thought that relationships were built on compromise and two way conversations.
Finances are one thing, but you could sort out your financial freedom, if you so desire. Anything is possible if you have belief and faith in yourself.
Try to have a peaceful Sunday.
In kindness, Gary

DWei said...

It sounds like a terrible and unfortunate situation. I wish I could give some form of helpful advice but I'm afraid I don't know anything useful.

My apologies.

Yaya said...

I'm sorry you are going through this. I agree with Gary.

If I was in that situation I wouldn't care about 'sorting out finances'. that always seemed like a bit of an excuse to me (I've heard it from my own friends) and I think those things never really get sorted out, and sometimes you just have to say 'screw it' and prioritize your self worth.

Big hugs!

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...

Been there once. Make that three time. Know from what you speak my sister/friend.
May there be a light at the end of your tunnel.
(((hugs and more hugs)))Pat

Red Shoes said...

Maybe if there happened to be a zombie apocalypse... he would have his brain (brain stem) eaten by zombies...



lotta joy said...

And just a few days ago you were looking forward to having him home for cuddling. If women were rich, there'd be no marriages. And if there were no marriages, we'd all weigh a happy 250 pounds, eat candy, and lay in the sunshine smiling.

bj said...

Hi, MC...
I thought about you this morning..wondering if things were ok there. Glad to see your post...I so hope things get better. Will they ever?

Kelly said...

You go through way too much and I can tell you're way too good for that crap and nonsense.

If I were you, I'd put my foot down and say enough is enough.

Example after example of giving no respect to you and your needs show he lack of caring.

My wife, though, it never would happen, would tell me to go screw myself and and tell me to leave or she would leave unless their was a dramatic change. and if the shoe were on the other foot, I would definitely tell her bye bye. Mind games and disrespect are for children and people who lack empathy.

Take care, Middle Child and LOOK AFTER YOURSELF.

Dazee Dreamer said...

you know, you deserve better. leave his ass

A Plain Observer said...

I used to think that I could never leave because I was so financially strapped. I felt trapped and so did he. We also had nothing left in common. One day I took the chance and freedom never felt so good

Practical Parsimony said...

Make a plan before you leave. Try to put back some money. Get friends in your corner for emotional support. Call Victim's Services or whatever you call it where you live--place where abused women seek help. Yes, you are abused mentally, at least. This abuse takes a toll in confidence. I don't know if you work or have a career/job to go to or have any family to turn to.

Victims Services can help with counseling, job, place to live there and then on your own.

Do you have a car in your name?

Make a plan to leave and you will feel better immediaely! Then, leave the best way you can. Men sometimes turn violent when a woman tries to leave. Be careful.

Take things from the house that you value ahead of time--pictures, momentos, out of season clothes, a few dishes. You may have to leave lots you really need. But, remove enough to help you get a start--set of sheets, couple towels and washcloths, something to eat and cook get the idea.

If he is ever out of town, you can get help surreptitiously moving furniture. Have a yard sale and neighbors will not know that people are helping you remove things.

You are worth more than what he dishes out. Sounds like he is cheating!