I watched a squirrel play with his nuts.

As I sat outside I noticed a squirrel in the flower bed I had just cleared for winter.  I watched the whole time as he dug a hole, threw his nut in, scraped dirt into the hole and pat it down.  More dirt.  Pat it down.  Dry leaves, Pat.  You know the drill.  When he was done.......he went to the part of the garden that had been cleared and he immediately digs up another one and eats it.  What's the deal?  Do they have to ferment or something?
And the Hummingbirds.  They still go to the feeders but now they are also going for the red geraniums, red hibiscus and anything red.  Weirdos.

I am packed for the trip and as soon as this Xanax kicks in.....I will be doing good.  BTW, Xanax does not send me to La-La land.  DAMN!  It just takes the edge off.  Slows my heart rate or so it feels.  It gathers all those extra thoughts in my brain, puts them in a burlap sack and tucks them away for awhile.

Again Hunter was wondering why he gets so tired now.  He feels like he could take a nap every day.  I took this opportunity-for the 2nd time-to tell him, "You know how you feel?  That's how I feel ALL the time and have for as long as I can remember.."  I think he finally understood.  He said he couldn't deal with feeling like that for such a long time.

I hope everything fits in my vehicle.  Hunter has always said I bring too much and I have pared down quite a bit.  He, on the other hand, has increased the amount of stuff he brings.  Like a suitcase for his clothes and a couple large totes with......well, I don't know what.
I am still not sure what kind of place we are staying in although I know it's new because Hunter was up there a year or two ago helping them wire the place.  I don't know it there's a fridge or microwave.  I do know we have a half-bath but everyone uses the same shower.  Not good news for this nudie girl.   I guess I could "shower"at the sink.  Or if the other people are attractive........maybe a join communal shower party.  Yee-Haw!

We are going to grab a bite, go to the village meeting about the re-zoning then pack up the car so that all we have to do in the morning is dress and grab the remnants of our stuff and a big thermos of coffee for me.  Then off we go.  At 6 AM!  Is that even a real hour?  He will be in a hurry to get there but he says we can meander and take our time on the way home.  Do you suppose it is because we will be stopping at his lover friend Brian's farm?  I have an appt, Tuesday.  We are coming home Monday.  Yes, we will be taking Maggie. 
I will bring my camera and hope to get some good pictures.  'Course I don't know how to get them from the camera to the computer but I am sure if I read the instructions I can figure it out.

Will miss you all.  Peace and have a good weekend.  I will try to do the same and if all else fails....I know there will be plenty of alcohol.

The magic of cigarettes.

I haven't had one since before dinner yesterday.  It's almost noon.  I am out of smokes because of the "allowance" thing.  I sit here thinking which jewelry I can turn into cash to buy more cigs.  Here's the thing.....-and I am not assigning blame-...but why of all times does Hunter have to pick now to be an utter fuckhead?  Is it because it's hot?  I'm hot too!  Is it because of puppy care?  I do this too.  And then my head goes back to other things.  Like how he says I don't know how to drive.  This must be recent.  How I don't cook for him....yet everything I take out to make...even if I tell him and he says ok, he ends up changing it to something else.  Yes,....he grills it but all I am saying is...don't tell me I don't cook.  He is insistent that I fill that little 'moat' on the top of the hummingbird feeder with water.  Got on me about it again.  "I told you to do it yesterday.'  So I got up and did it.  BTW, he had just come out on the front porch with a cup of coffee and I thought he was going to sit and talk with me.  I was on-line looking at a dog sight and had begun to tell him a cool thing I read and that is when he interrupts me about this fucking water thing. 
Enter Sarcasm...."Gee, I'll get right on that even though I haven't seen any ants in there."
And Sarcasm plus passive/aggressiveness are my super powers.  I seem to have a problem being direct.  And Hunter is unable to have an adult conversation with me.  My only option would have been to respond with a simple "Ok, I will."  Or....(false stupidity thus making a man feel smart) saying....."What is the water for?"  His answer will take a very circuitous route to come to an incorrect conclusion or if I had asked if it is for such and such......he will immediately say no and then go into this whole thing that has nothing to do with anything winding up saying the very same thing I had said in the beginning.

I do not think I am smarter than anyone.  But.......I can admit it.  If I am wrong,....Please correct me.  I want to know.  I want to learn. I want to be better.  I want a fucking cigarette so I don't kill this poor man who struggles to breath and is afraid of his mortality. 

I already feel physically better.  Truly.  It isn't in my head. I don't want to smoke. I think keeping my distance from Hunter is key.  We are two peas in a pod but whereas I grow in the garden......his 'pod' was beamed down from an alien space ship.