The fine at of coiling the hose back on the holder.

Maggie puked on the porch.  Twice. So I got out the hose to wash it off.  As I was looping the hose back unto the holder....Hunter said out the window to roll it so that each loop touches on the ground so it isn't coiled too tight.  Now I have only been doing this since I have been 19, and have
owned my own home(s).  I am soooo embarrassed to have been doing it wrong for 40 years.  Yeah, I know you are all doing the math.  I am kinda old.  Damn that common sense that I have been cursed with!  I always figured the idea was to get it up off the ground.  I would wind it so that it was about 2" off the patio.  So....I have been schooled in the art of hose winding.  And you are all welcome for my sharing of this very important info.
I emptied the dishwasher and changed the sheets.  Not really interested in doing anything else.  Yeah, I will make something out of the leftover meatloaf and baked potatoes.

Don't remember when I wrote the first part of this post..  But there has been stress and anxiety in abundance since then.  My daughter's divorce or whatever.  After all this time -weeks- her husband in coming home from work.  He works 6 weeks in another state and is home for 6 - 10 days.  Then away for another 6 weeks.  Too long for a leash to reach.  My daughter is fragile but to be honest.-and this kills me to say this- she is very self-centered.  Not the same as selfish but equally bad I guess.  I have to keep trying to think about her kids and about me.  She talks about not being able to live without him and how nobody loves her and you can't imagine much I have said the same things  over and over.  And I get shaky and feel pressure in my chest. So I have to step away.  She's 40 years old.  It is between her and her husband. 

Tomorrow is Meadow' ballgame.  It will be awkward to be in his presence. 
Hunter has been gone since Thursday.  He will return Monday.

Ok.  I want to publish this while I can.  I keep getting a message from Norton 360 that it is resolving a threat from a suspicious cloud.  And there is something auto-protect is processing security risk.  Suspicious.cloud.7.e.p..  It removes the risk and then it starts all over again.  I have a guy to call who does this for a living but I hate calling him because we are not close.  But I will need to.





Listen....my laptop is still screwed up.  I keep getting a message from Norton 360

The magic of cigarettes.

I haven't had one since before dinner yesterday.  It's almost noon.  I am out of smokes because of the "allowance" thing.  I sit here thinking which jewelry I can turn into cash to buy more cigs.  Here's the thing.....-and I am not assigning blame-...but why of all times does Hunter have to pick now to be an utter fuckhead?  Is it because it's hot?  I'm hot too!  Is it because of puppy care?  I do this too.  And then my head goes back to other things.  Like how he says I don't know how to drive.  This must be recent.  How I don't cook for him....yet everything I take out to make...even if I tell him and he says ok, he ends up changing it to something else.  Yes,....he grills it but all I am saying is...don't tell me I don't cook.  He is insistent that I fill that little 'moat' on the top of the hummingbird feeder with water.  Got on me about it again.  "I told you to do it yesterday.'  So I got up and did it.  BTW, he had just come out on the front porch with a cup of coffee and I thought he was going to sit and talk with me.  I was on-line looking at a dog sight and had begun to tell him a cool thing I read and that is when he interrupts me about this fucking water thing. 
Enter Sarcasm...."Gee, I'll get right on that even though I haven't seen any ants in there."
And Sarcasm plus passive/aggressiveness are my super powers.  I seem to have a problem being direct.  And Hunter is unable to have an adult conversation with me.  My only option would have been to respond with a simple "Ok, I will."  Or....(false stupidity thus making a man feel smart) saying....."What is the water for?"  His answer will take a very circuitous route to come to an incorrect conclusion or if I had asked if it is for such and such......he will immediately say no and then go into this whole thing that has nothing to do with anything winding up saying the very same thing I had said in the beginning.

I do not think I am smarter than anyone.  But.......I can admit it.  If I am wrong,....Please correct me.  I want to know.  I want to learn. I want to be better.  I want a fucking cigarette so I don't kill this poor man who struggles to breath and is afraid of his mortality. 

I already feel physically better.  Truly.  It isn't in my head. I don't want to smoke. I think keeping my distance from Hunter is key.  We are two peas in a pod but whereas I grow in the garden......his 'pod' was beamed down from an alien space ship.