My depression naps don't seem to be working.

I have started back on the escape/depression naps again.  They really don't work.  It's as though I am in that place between sleep and awake. 
I left Hunter a note last night before I went to bed saying that I probably wasn't going to church the next day-today-and not to wake me.  He had mentioned stopping for a few groceries after church so I wrote down a couple things I needed, to make dinner this evening.  I had alot of left over canned tomatoes from the other day that I wanted to use up.  I only wanted one# of burger.  He brought back 1 and a half, saying he knew a pound wouldn't be enough for him.  I'm sorry. When did I tell him what I was making?  Now for those who follow me regularly....I have given this as one example of why I am sick of cooking.  He also mentioned that there was a pkg. of frozen crab.  The fake kind which I happen to love. So the "suggestion" was made that I "could" make crab salad.  And so.....that's what I made.  Yum-O by the way.  Right before I begin to cook, he grabs a plate and loads it with snacks like crackers and cheese and eats while I am getting dinner ready.  Then in the middle of my cooking he gets in the way to make Maggie's dinner.  Mind you....she is a dog and it isn't even just a matter of putting dry food in her dish.  Oh no.  Mix in this and that and heat this and....done.  So Maggie is underfoot as I cook because her dish is in the small cooking area of my kitchen.  Anyway, I get done with dinner and he is asleep at the table.  He's one of those guys who falls asleep as soon as he sits down.

While Hunter was out this morning I was able to do a few things without his interfering or getting in the way.  I started a load of laundry to hang outside.(which I will no longer do until spring as it doesn't seem to dry despite the sun and temps and breeze.)  I spray painted a plaque I had bought as a kind of memorial to my dad.  I also got the front porch painted and finished just as he got home.  Too late! Was just picking up the stuff to take it in and clean it and he says, "Are you going to paint the steps too?"  These are the steps I have wanted to paint for over two years now and he kept saying no because he was going to turn them over and plane them.  Just ug. 

Then I tell him that my son just had Tebow fixed.  He asks me why.  What was wrong.
I said, "Well....she's a girl and she could get pregnant."
Then he starts telling me about Luna getting fixed a couple of weeks ago.  Um....Luna?  She is one of his friends from the farm.  I give a shit about this why?

And so it goes.  I have decided once again to try to find my joy and when I do, I won't let anyone steal it.  It's sad that no one seems to share the joy but I will be joyful anyway.

I stay because of the money issue.  And....ya can't always choose who you love.  Guess I do a crappy job at that huh?

Another day of happy boring.

I finished painting the boards.  Have fume headache, of course.  Will leave the heat off and windows open until I go to bed.  It's only in the 50's so I'll be OK.  Don will start on the porch tomorrow.  Then  we will go in and get a door for the back first.  

I am now burning a carrot cake candle.  YUM!  Should bake some almond poppy seed muffins for a real scent.  I need a personal shopper.  Really I do.  I went out today for distilled water and ended up with milk instead.  Don't need the milk as I just bought a gallon yesterday.  Didn't get the water.  Damn!  Anyway.....I froze the milk so that's good.

Now it seems my grand daughter needs therapy and I think it is urgent.  Pray for her.  She is emotionally fragile.  I am actually afraid. 

Peace.