Anything and everything except poop.

Today's candle is:  Chocolate Chip Cookie.

Today's T-Shirt saying is:  LISTEN & SILENT 
                             have the same letters. 
                                Coincidence?
                  


Well, at least you got that much out of me.  What do you do if you don't know who you are?  Who you were.  But you know you were somebody.

No more candles after today because Hunter is coming back tomorrow.  Unless he decides to come back Saturday.  Stay tuned as our candle program will return in November.
I will make a pot roast tomorrow that he can heat up whenever he gets here.  The way things usually go indicate that he will either have eaten or wants something else instead.  It's kinda of that Murphy's Law thing.  Sometimes I feel like Job and yet......I have had nothing bad happen to me.  I have had the strenght to deal with the "tests" placed in front of me but not in the right spirit.  I cleared my head of anything but the task at hand.  And many of those tests lasted at least a year.

My son and daughter-in-law really have made it their mission to get me to fly out there.  I really want to go.  I can't seem to convince my husband to let me go.  Right now there are tickets available for $80 (ea. way, I imagine.)    I need to go.  I need the peace and joy.  I need to see at least one of my kids who is doing well despite their disabilities and the fact that their kids are in therapy.  They know what they are doing.  And.....they are doing it.  I want to be there for Thanksgiving - Jennifer's favorite holiday.  I want to be there earlier for a Christian concert.  And I want to be there for Jennifer's Baptism.  I have committed to my daughter that I will go to an all day music thing for my grand daughter.  Also for a concert she tried out for and made the band.  Both these places are farther than her car can be relied on to go.  I love going to anything music!  Especially when it is my family performing.  But it is stressful.  The relationship between the three of us is so strained.  My daughter doesn't know how I feel.  I know she loves me but it weird.  We are not close the way I think we should be.  I could understand if she had a strong, busy family life.  But it bothers me that she really only calls when she needs me.

I know that all I do is complain and whine.  I know I have no right or reason to do so.
This is my journal.  This is where I put my feelings.  All of them.  OK.  I probably won't ever write about poop.  Just not my ....... well, just yuk.  Like the commercial says, "We all go.  Why not enjoy the go."  I have often thought about going into advertising.  I can see they really need me now.  I mean really?  "Have a happy? period."  Any one who has ever bled out of their "playground" would not respond positively to that ad.

The hell!  I'm still here?  Gotta go.  Bye.

Another day of happy boring.

I finished painting the boards.  Have fume headache, of course.  Will leave the heat off and windows open until I go to bed.  It's only in the 50's so I'll be OK.  Don will start on the porch tomorrow.  Then  we will go in and get a door for the back first.  

I am now burning a carrot cake candle.  YUM!  Should bake some almond poppy seed muffins for a real scent.  I need a personal shopper.  Really I do.  I went out today for distilled water and ended up with milk instead.  Don't need the milk as I just bought a gallon yesterday.  Didn't get the water.  Damn!  Anyway.....I froze the milk so that's good.

Now it seems my grand daughter needs therapy and I think it is urgent.  Pray for her.  She is emotionally fragile.  I am actually afraid. 

Peace.

At least I took a shower.

I felt better yesterday having had no sleep the night before than I feel today.  My sleep last night was as fragmented as my dreams.  I have been watching TV all day.  Hmmm.  No.  I don't think you get it.  I have watched TV for 15 hours so far and I have 4.5 hours to go.

My candle sells more like root beer than root beer does!

Perhaps the fiction on TV has caused me to wonder if real love exists.  I am not talking not just about married love but all kinds of relationships whether it be with a friend, sister, parent or people in a group.  REAL love.  Not perfect but constant.  Someone who is always, always there for you.  Someone who gets you and knows your heart.  I sometimes wish I were an alcoholic so I could go to those meetings and the warmth and acceptance......Is it  Norman Rockwell thoughts I am having?  Or do people really have such relationships.

Tomorrow will be much warmer so I can open up the whole house and hopefully get the rest of those boards painted.

Yeah.  I know.  Can you spell loser?  Thaaaaaat's right - m-i-d-d-l-e-c-h-i-l-d.