Thursday, October 18, 2012

Anything and everything except poop.

Today's candle is:  Chocolate Chip Cookie.

Today's T-Shirt saying is:  LISTEN & SILENT 
                             have the same letters. 

Well, at least you got that much out of me.  What do you do if you don't know who you are?  Who you were.  But you know you were somebody.

No more candles after today because Hunter is coming back tomorrow.  Unless he decides to come back Saturday.  Stay tuned as our candle program will return in November.
I will make a pot roast tomorrow that he can heat up whenever he gets here.  The way things usually go indicate that he will either have eaten or wants something else instead.  It's kinda of that Murphy's Law thing.  Sometimes I feel like Job and yet......I have had nothing bad happen to me.  I have had the strenght to deal with the "tests" placed in front of me but not in the right spirit.  I cleared my head of anything but the task at hand.  And many of those tests lasted at least a year.

My son and daughter-in-law really have made it their mission to get me to fly out there.  I really want to go.  I can't seem to convince my husband to let me go.  Right now there are tickets available for $80 (ea. way, I imagine.)    I need to go.  I need the peace and joy.  I need to see at least one of my kids who is doing well despite their disabilities and the fact that their kids are in therapy.  They know what they are doing.  And.....they are doing it.  I want to be there for Thanksgiving - Jennifer's favorite holiday.  I want to be there earlier for a Christian concert.  And I want to be there for Jennifer's Baptism.  I have committed to my daughter that I will go to an all day music thing for my grand daughter.  Also for a concert she tried out for and made the band.  Both these places are farther than her car can be relied on to go.  I love going to anything music!  Especially when it is my family performing.  But it is stressful.  The relationship between the three of us is so strained.  My daughter doesn't know how I feel.  I know she loves me but it weird.  We are not close the way I think we should be.  I could understand if she had a strong, busy family life.  But it bothers me that she really only calls when she needs me.

I know that all I do is complain and whine.  I know I have no right or reason to do so.
This is my journal.  This is where I put my feelings.  All of them.  OK.  I probably won't ever write about poop.  Just not my ....... well, just yuk.  Like the commercial says, "We all go.  Why not enjoy the go."  I have often thought about going into advertising.  I can see they really need me now.  I mean really?  "Have a happy? period."  Any one who has ever bled out of their "playground" would not respond positively to that ad.

The hell!  I'm still here?  Gotta go.  Bye.


Wanda's Wings said...

With tickets only $80.00 you really need to go! Enjoy some time with your family. I agree with you commercial could really stand some help right now. Good luck with the pot roast and enjoy that candle!

klahanie said...

My dear friend,

What you are doing is verbalised your valid thoughts and feelings. I know getting it out, so to speak, helps a bit.

You need to go. Yes, your right to a bit of peace and contentment is very much needed. And you want to go and communicate some heartfelt realities to your daughter. Yes, please try to go. Hunter goes away and that's okay. So, he should welcome you having some quality time away to discover a bit more about yourself. Right then, I'm outta' here....

In kindness, Gary

Kristy said...

I hope you can fly out to visit your son. I also can relate to having a daughter like that. Keep that chin up!

Outcast said...

I never realised that listen and silent included the exact same letters or if I had I must have forgotten it, that really speaks volumes. I really want you to be there for this holiday now, like so much and I hope that your husband decides it's the best thing for you, you deserve a break!

lotta joy said...

I just got back from a 1,632 mile round-trip - non stop - in the car. I returned to my roots and had a chance to say 'good-bye'. It hurt, but it was more necessary than I realized.

You realize, don't you, that Hunter went where he wanted to go without needing your permission?? Right?

The trip YOU need, is necessary to your well-being MORE than fishing was for Hunter's well being.

Reach in your pocket, find your balls, and get your ass on that airplane.

Bargain Decorating with Laurie said...

Oh I do hope you can go visit your son, but if you aren't able to, I hope you can talk to God about helping you to pull yourself up to see the good things in your life. I know it's not always easy to see them, but a lot of times they are just simple joys that hit you for a moment and then fly away. Hang in there, and try to find your simple joys. laurie

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...

YOU KNOW and WE KNOW that YOU NEED this trip, but my guess would be what is keeping you home ,is the fact ....if Hunter controls the money ... Hunter won't spring for the 160 bills for you to go.
Take it from one that has been controlled ......we both know that............
that sucks,bites,blows! I shit you not!

bj said...

I had no idea Listen and Silent had the same can you live on the planet as long as I have and NOT KNOW THAT? Weird....

O, I do hope you will go to see your boy. Just do it, MC it for yourself AND for your boy. I think it sure would be good for you....surely Hunter can see that. SURELY !
If I were only rich, I would send you the money....

StephanieC said...

I am terrible at being silent. I always want to offer solutions and problem solve. I am going to try to remember this post the next time someone just needs an ear.

You should go to see your kids, if that is what you want in your heart. Having moved away from my parents now, we all regret not seeing each other more when we were in the same province.

Life is so uncertain. Seize the moments that can bring you joy, even if they are terrifying. (I need to apply this to me, too).

Also? GOOD CALL. There is NO such thing as a happy period. EVER. EVER EVER.


Rob-bear said...

Perhaps time to tell Hunter that you're going. Simple as that. Sometimes a mom (and grandma) has got to do what a mom's got to do.

Blessings and Bear hugs.

Yaya said...

Geez, no more candles for you? That really sucks!

Know that you can get your feelings out here whenever you want, as you said, it is your journal.

Hope you can go see your family, not fair that he gets to have little getaways and you don't.