Oh, where do I start. Where do I start.

I have had urgent moments where I wanted to blog and didn't.  Seems things and moods change so quickly.  Am leaving to go to my daughter's today.  I will be with the kids until Fri or Sat.  Until Dawn gets home.  She drove to Oklahoma to be with her husband whom she hasn't seen since Jan 1st.  He has had to stay at work as they are trying to get a new client.  I am so thrilled that she was able to get over her anxiety and make the trip.  I can't explain the severity of her anxiety.  There's a bit of agoraphobia in there too.  I was to be at ?  Dawn's at noon today.  She left Thurs. and the aunt had the kids since then.  Well, I fucked up my car pretty bad and can't make it there until later tonight. 

I had been in tears over this money to Hunter's kids thing.  He has now put his other son on the accts. too as he doesn't trust Aaron anymore.  Matthew is intelligent and not selfish and irresponsible like Aaron.  Ok.  So he didn't take Aaron's name off.  And to me it all points to the fact that he doesn't trust me . What kind of a marriage is that?
Then, as I gained control of my emotions on the way to my appt. for my med check, I pulled into the end parking space, plenty of room and I ran over the curb.  Oh no honey, not just a curb.  Not just a big curb.  This was about 15" high.  I am not  exaggerating as I am wont to do.  Sounded like a fucking crash.  kept going and parked.  Sure enough, I had an immediate flat tire.  I am pretty sure I messed up the wheel and alignment too.  This has caused me to be furious with myself.  Sure, everyone makes mistakes.  I can list mine if you like.  But crashes, speeding, etc, I am an excellent driver.  Truly. I called Hunter to ask him if I had a spare and jack.  I didn't know in this car and I would have changed it myself.  He came out.  I found the spare but he couldn't get it out.  I was laying on the ground and noticed he was getting it very loose but......that was the extent of it.  So he went home to get his sawsall.  Um nope, didn't do any good.  Soooooo, we ended up having to have it towed to our garage. Waiting to hear.  In the mean time.....I called my ex who lives out there-and is father to my kids-to ask if he could go there and stay with them 'till I could get there later this evening.  I told him where the money is that Dawn left me to buy groceries.  So I told Dan/Ex to take some of that money and take them out to dinner.  Hunter will drive me out there later this evening.  I doubt  that my car will be fixed in time. 

Oddly, I was so filled with th Holy Spirit Easter night that I could barely get to sleep!  And the next day  Boom!  Down to the depths of sadness. 

Have been sooooo exhausted the last week.  No reason.  I can't seem to do anything but sleep.  Hate it.  No, I love sleep.  I just mean that I feel I should be able to be awake and happy and real.

Am taking my laptop with to my daughters and will have time to blog and read posts.  I miss you all very much and hope all is well!  Kisses!

"I'm leaving on a jet plane...."

And my ex (first husband) is taking me to the airport. Got my ticket and that's all I need. Gotta figure out what to bring as the temps vary from 50 - 80 degrees this time of year.  And their cold is colder and their heat is hotter.  On the plus side....Southwest airlines allows two checked bags, 1 carry on and like your purse or whatever will fit under the seat in front of you and it's all NO CHARGE!  Apparently most of the other airlines now charge for each and every bag as well as $4 here and $12 there for basics.  I am so excited!!!  Well except when I feel a little nervous about it.  Will be there for my daughter-in-laws favorite holiday - Thangsgiving.  And will also be there when Gaby ?? who won the Olympic um...like gymnast thing will be speaking at their church.

Maggie is growing by leaps and bounds.  She is getting better about biting and also listening.  She still loves to chew though.  Hope she is done teething soon.  And perhaps getting spayed the end of the month or early Dec. will calm her down a bit.  I know when I was spayed,...it didn't calm me down.  Er,...well..not spayed but.....

I am also going to try to do things a bit different here.  I am going to try to write only the good things Hunter does.  Yes, it will be difficult as I am going to have to also exclude the things good that he does that any normal person SHOULD/WOULD do.  I don't know how this will work because I seem to be a complainer and I am also one for writing when I am angry, depressed or feeling negative.  It is the same with poetry.  Mine is always sad.  I tried to write a "happy"  poem twice and they were both stupid -  I think because they weren't genuine feelings.

Anyway...it is a bit chilly out here  - my fingers are numb - and I have housework I want to do.  Peace and Love.