Friday, February 22, 2013

One word that will stun everyone in the bar to silence.

At the VFW for rib eye.  Hunter likes to go and tries to chat up anyone that will listen.  So he is talking to our friend and I hear him say,....wrinkly LABIA .  WTF!!!!!  Everyone went silent and stared at him.

Speaking of romance.....we didn't go out on our Anniversary/Valentines day.  He suggested we go Saturday and asked where I wanted to go.  I said Olive Garden but I know he doesn't like it. we had talked previously...we would go to a nice Italian restaurant that we'd gone to once before.  Then he's like.....How about 1776 - a restaurant we haven't eaten at but I grabbed a menu once and it looks like a great place to eat.  So I said OK.  Next thing he is asking if a married couple we know could come with us.  Valentines Day.  Romance.  Anniversary.  What am I not understanding here?

How to use a snow blower:  Show the wife how to start it (lots more to starting it than our last one.)  Tell her.  Then have her do it.  Then yell at her when she asks what the second to the last step was.  And yell at her like she is 5.  On the bright side?  At least it wasn't too cold.  The tears didn't freeze on my cheek.

And so often during the day I want to write another thing down on this blog.  But by the time I get to using the computer...I am usually just wanting to escape.  It's like my day's seem so shitty to me that I really don't care too much.

I can't explain how I feel.  I am not physically abused.  I am not sexually abused.  I thought I was verbally abused - after all, once he called me a knee and I had to ask him what that meant - it means lower than a cunt.  Fuck-it.  It's just not worth it.  My therapist says it is emotional abuse.

I know I should leave.  I have no money to go anywhere.  Either one of my kids would have me but they are financially unstable.  I could sell my house that was fully paid for in 1988 but that now has a mortgage that is equal to the amount my house is worth now. 

I could.  I would.  I should.
Not looking for pity here.  I am the fool.  I know that.


Sara Strand said...

OK, now I have never heard the knee thing. If Matt ever called me that I'd punch him and deflate his balls. I believe he knows that as well.

Have you ever thought what would happen if he just left? I mean, you'd have to have a game plan then, right? What do you think would happen if you just said, "Listen. It's clear you don't really want to be here and I'm not want you want in life. You wouldn't treat a person you want to be with this way if that was the case. So why don't we cut our losses and you can just leave and be happy somewhere else. But if you're going to stay then you need to treat me like a decent human being. It's not my fault your life sucks." I had to have this talk with Matt before. And I've always had the, I might be broke as shit living in my car but I'd rather do that than take any shit from you because I don't deserve it. Big hugs to you. :)

ps) we can take my car, it has good mileage and is way roomy!

bj said...

O, Middle...I think of you so often...wondering how your day is things are around your house. I hope each day that you've had a good day....
I pray things will get better for you. I was married waaay too young, a million yrs ago, before God sent Mr. Sweet my way....the first time around didn't last long but I could not have stood it much longer. It was just horrible....God saw to it that there were no children, thank goodness. ANYway, I'm just trying to say I can understand, a little bit, of how you feel.
Life is so short, Middle. I do hope things either get better or you get the hell out of Dodge.
xoxoxoxo bj

OOO, and I am in a motel in Midland Tx (where Geo.W. Bush used to live) and just read your comment on my post...I laughed out loud and had to explain it all to Mr. Sweet...he died laughing, too...said, "can't ya just see me trying to swim in the urinal and pee'ing in the pool?"
I really want to add that comment to my post....:))
I do love your cute sense of humor.

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Outcast said...

That's so bizarre haha, what he said in the bar, I hate the way he treats you though in all honestly Middle Child and I hope that things sort themselves out, I promise they will.

Vapid Vixen said...

You're not a fool. You've just convinced yourself you're trapped.
And yeah, that absolutely is verbal and emotional abuse.
He's a total dick who'd I'd like to shove into a pool of starving piranhas.

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...

I've known that trapped feeling in a marriage and IT SUCKS!
Just know... I CARE. (((hugs)))

Furry Bottoms said...

wrinkly labia? What!

You could also find a way, somehow, which will be very hard I know... but find a way to land on your own two feet. I know I need to do the same. Been trying to figure out what I can do to change my life so that I can support myself alone and without assistance of any kind. It sucks.

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Lucia said...

Big Hug!

bj said...

...just stopped in to see if you were posting. Hope things are ok...?