Hi, I am Meadow, middlechild's grand daughter. I am thirteen years old, starting yesterday. I would love if you took the time to read this. I apologize if it is long.
You never know what life is going to throw in your face. You don't expect the worst of life to come so early. I know I haven't been through the hardest things, but I have been through plenty. Many people tell me because I am thirteen I know nothing of troubles or hardships. They say I am simply weak and know nothing of the extent to which bad things can happen. Recently my family was evicted out of our house. The house I have lived in for most of my life. All the memories; good or bad, were lost. All our possessions...thrown on the yard and discarded like trash. Yet I was expected to keep my composure. Hold the family together. Essentially, be the glue. I couldn't tell any of my friends, nor did I have anyone to go to with my worries or troubles. My friends would leave if I told them my family was poor as dirt...eventually they did leave me. I was totally alone in a world I already hated. Then, because my family is so poor, my dad had to go out of state to work. Months at a time. Don't get me wrong, I was so happy my dad finally got a job after years of unemployment... But my dad was the only person in my life I could trust...The one person I went to with my stories, the one person that could make me happy when I was crying my eyes out...was ripped away from me. My 'friends' talk about me behind my back. People call me ugly. Fat. Undesirable. They call me names... It's as if all the things I am going through weren't enough... About a week ago my dad told me he was possibly getting laid off from this new job. I broke out crying. I thought, 'All over again? We're going to loose the apartment. Go through the terrible things I never wanted to go through again...?' If it wasn't enough my mom constantly points out my flaws. She yells at me. Hurts me deeper than anything. Also, I have to see a neurologist. I am scared because recently I have been forgetting names of some of my acquaintances...having migraines and really bad headaches...forgetting how to spell simple words...my hands constantly shake... I will not go into the terrible troubles of before I was eleven...that would take me all day. Also, I would rather not dredge up the darkness of my past. I am trying too hard to forget... I get straight A's in all advanced classes at school. No one asks if I am sad. No one says they are there for me. I am left alone on a bloody battlefield...trying to fend off the world with no one at my sides. No one sees the tears I cry into my pillow. Everyone sees my false smiles. If someone cared enough to take a second glance, they'd notice I was dying inside. I wish I didn't have to deal with it anymore. The pain. The people. I wish I could lay down my weapon on that bloody field, drop to my knees...and give up. Let the world consume me and finish hollowing out my soul. I want to live, but I wouldn't care if I died.
Soul as cool as ice,
I wish for warmth with all my might.
My heart lost in bitterness,
Sealed with a bloody kiss.
My arms wrapped tightly around me,
Thinking a hug is all I need.
My mind frozen,
From all the promises which have been broken.
To fend on my own.
No one in the world caring,
When did I become so daring?
Just waiting for someone to take notice,
Rather than annoyance.
Wish you would see the tears I cry,
Instead of wishing I would die.
See that my smiles are fake,
What will it take?
I love you to the highest extent,
But I am simply another reject.
I give you what you wish for,
you hate me and it shakes my core.
Thank you for reading and taking the time out of your day to do so. I appreciate it.