Monday, October 1, 2012 and my wish

Saturday Hunter and I went over with his truck to help my daughter and her surly boys haul more stuff to their townhouse.  The initial idea was to combine the two units into one so they would only be paying for one.  We ended up just bring more stuff back into her already packed place. 
my wish......I wish I could "make" my daughter understand.  I wish I could fix their family.  I know it is too late.  The kids are already damaged and they are too old to wipe this from their minds.  Some might say I am a hoarder but I am not.  A hoarder is someone that buys and gets and refuses to let go of anything.  I have given so much away and gotten rid of.....all so Hunter can get his sofa and big TV.    But that's another story entirely which some of my followers can already probably tell without my writing it.  No.  My daughter is a hoarder.  Truly.  She insists that she can fit a huge, huge house worth of stuff-from her old house-into a tiny townhouse.  No amount of reasoning on my part can change her mind.  I know her shopping and stuff and Xanax are what she relies on to cope and feel least temporarily.  She buys plenty of "food" but doesn't make meals.  When the kids (age 12, 15 and 17) ask, "What's for dinner?"  The always hear...."I don't know."  Once a week I could see.  She works 3 days a week, two of which are 12 hour days.  I have told her to make menus.  I have told her about making stuff ahead of time that can just be warmed up.  There's her crock pot.  She gets no respect from her kids and I can see why but it makes for a vicious cycle.  I wish I could fix them.  An uncluttered house is so much easier to maintain and good for your soul.  Don't spend all your money on crap you don't need and then say you don't have the money to repair your only working vehicle.  I have offered to come help clean her house.  I have offered to come help her go through things.  She doesn't take me up on my offer.  Her husband is gone six weeks at a time and comes home for one week.  Then goes back for 6 weeks, etc.  The kids-who used to light up like Christmas trees when I was coming for a visit-don't seem to care whether I come or not.  I think my oldest grandson who is going to be 18 in April, will be leaving home before he is done with his senior year of high school, though he will continue going.  I truly believe my grand daughter has a genius IQ.  Would like to see her be tested.  Her vocabulary and understanding of things that many older people are just now learning is amazing.  But this brings with it an attitude of superiority which is totally inappropriate.  And very unbecoming.  I can't help and it is killing me.  When I look at the situation.....there is such an easy solution, unlike drugs or alcohol illness.  I can do nothing but pray and love, whether it is acknowledged or not.  But I come home sooooo depressed.

Ancestry.....I have traced my roots back to Rip Van Winkle.  That's right!  Saturday after we got back from my daughter's.....I had to lay down at 5:30 PM.  I figured just a couple hours.  Well, I slept until 4 AM, got up to pee, had a cigarette and went back to bed until 7:30 AM.  You do the math.   That is my 2nd best.  My best was 14 hours.  BTW, that was not a drug induced sleep.

I need to have my Thyroid function tested again.  The Dr, put me on Synthyroid due to nodules but never checked to see if it was the right amount.  Oddly, as soon as I was put on the depression lifted like rain clouds.  I was tired but figured it was a good trade.  Now my depression is creeping back in, perhaps in a different way but it's back none-the-less.  In the mean time...I have and appt. with my psychiatrist for a med. check and will have her up my Xanax to what it had been.  Then Wed. I have a repeat mammogram with possible ultra-sound.  Usually I go every year but this is a 6 month repeat cuz there was a little something they want to keep an eye on.

Wishing you Peace and Joy and whatever else it is that normal people feel.

nd whatever this big words, little words is about, I couldn't tell you.


Jennifer Kay said...

Such a sad situation with your daughter and grandchildren! I have a close family member who lives exactly the same way but I could never write about it because she is a reader...I wish there was an easy fix, I guess just show the kids you love them and someday they will remember who was their rock. Chin up.

Rob-bear said...

Sorry about your daughter and family. So very sad, and changeable. I understand the feeling.

Time for my meds check, too. Things are not going well at all. Gad you got a good sleep!

Blessings and Bear hugs in the meantime.

Wanda's Wings said...

Sometimes it just feel like to much.

Jimmy said...

As for your Daughter you are doing all that you can, you can't help anyone who is not ready to help themselves, so continue to love and support she and the kids as best as you can, and for yourself try to not let it all get to you.

It's not easy but it is doable.

Gnetch said...

My mom is a hoarder too. She would even keep Starbucks cup for some reason. I always have to throw them away when she's out somewhere.

I'm sorry about your depression. I hope your depression passes soon. <3

Update us on your mammo.

Take care!