Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Getting used to it all over again.

Hunter is back.  The first part is getting readjusted to all the changes and idiosyncrasies.  Small things = big pain in the ass.  I am not good at this.  He wants me to listen to his hunting stories and all the things he has to say about all the people he was with.  He doesn't want me to ask questions like one would do during a normal conversation.  If he asks me a question, all he wants is a yes or a no.  He literally said that to me.  He always removes my stuff from the counter to put his stuff on there.

I know you all get tired of me complaining about Hunter all the time.  Yes I do confront him at times and in the gentlest way.  Yelling isn't my style and doesn't work with him either.  Any attempt at adult conversation also isn't possible as he apparently never learned that skill.  He isn't mean.  He's just a jerk.  Especially to me.

Why don't I divorce him?  I couldn't afford it for one thing.  I do love him for no discernible reason.  I have been through one divorce and that sucked the life out of me and I think it may be part of why I am so messed up now.  He does have alot of goodness in him.  He is generous with others.  He remembers what other's say, even after meeting someone once.  He will run into a store and come home and tell me all about the cashiers life.  He has a way of making people open up to him.  He also comes on like a mack truck.
On the other hand.....he rarely remembers things I have said.  He'll ask me to do something then he basically undoes it.  When I clean or do any work of any kind around the house, he will ALWAYS say, "and did you do...?"  I can bet my life on a negative comment to follow.
My Charlie Brown tree?  "It's kind of scraggly don't you think?"
The Charles Russell picture I got him..."It's nice, 'course it's only a print."
If he ever sees me doing something,...I am doing it wrong. 
He calls and asks if I need him to stop and pick up something.  Once in awhile I will say yes and tell him what and he says, "No, we don't need that."  Well actually, he says I-meaning me-don't need it.
There is no we, us or our.  If you hear him say we, the we is always him and somebody else.  Always!
At least I got out of going to Louisiana.  I will be going to Missouri - he's hunting.  Then from there to Florida for a month.  I hear him talking on the phone about all the places we will visit while we are down there.  All places where his friends are.  Really?  And I heard something about hunting.  WTF!  Yeah, I do try to discuss these things with him but it makes him mad and he says not to worry about it or that I am on a need to know basis.  Yup.  For real.
And yet I stay.  There are good things and we have some fun but I think it is mostly my subservient behavior that allows that to happen.  That isn't the right way to put it.  When he isn't feeling pressured about things in his life (That I don't know about cuz remember, I am not really a part of it) we do OK as long as I have let go of  the small but abundant crap he does that drives me crazy.
So yeah.  Just consider this my place to vent.  Sometimes I take pills to deal with it.  Sometimes I rise above it because I do have a pretty good sense of my self-worth.  And sometimes I need to cry and keep to myself and wallow in my emotional pain.  Whatever.
Again, this is my place to vent.
Hope you are all well.  My Grandson will be having surgery soon. He has alot of issues and sees a therapist.  Please pray that he is able to deal with this.  Pray they find the money to pay for it.  The surgery itself is laproscopic and should be and easy one but....
My son asks why God keeps testing them.  I have to wonder that same thing.  Peace.

7 comments:

Snowbrush said...

"My son asks why God keeps testing them."

Funny how people think of God as this being who's up there testing them. Even if I believed in God, I think I would choose another God to believe in. I mean, why not? No one really knows, do they?

Ms. A said...

There certainly must be a reason you stay and it must be worth it to you, whatever that reason is. You were married once, before you married him, right? But, aren't you his third wife? If that is correct, wouldn't you think he would have figured out how to be a good husband by now?

Coffeypot said...

Vent away, hon. DO NOT KEEP IT INSIDE. And I say, DO NOT Divorce him. Stick it out, he will be dead soon and you can wallow naked in all the insurance money. Get you a Cabana Boy to do your bidding. Burn all his shit and sell his most prize possessions or give it away. And trash him to all his friends. No! Don't divorce him.

Linda Medrano said...

Let's call Dick Cheney and see if he wants to go hunting with your man. Just an idea.

ancient one said...

I think your husband is of the old school... king of his castle...etc.. A friend and I were talking one day and she said, my husband and I get along fine, as long as we are doing what he wants to do. Is that the way you feel?

On My Soapbox said...

I don't think any of us can really put ourselves into your shoes. Only you can decide what works best for you. If you really, truly need to get out, you will find a way. In the meantime, vent away! At least you have a medium for doing so. Many don't.... Also, don't let him take YOU away from you. You're still in there, and don't forget it! You are important!

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