Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Almost had a chance and today I think I have the balls to go ahead anyway!

Hunter was gone for several hours and I had planned to make use of the fact that I had the kitchen and bathroom to myself.  I got several things done and had begun to clear the table so I could clean the fan, change the table cloth.  The usual.  Had half the things off the table-there was much to clear off as I am not a hoarder we had a bit too much stuff on there.  I was half-way done and Hunter comes home.  Shit.  He's like, "Oh.  Are you cleaning off the table? "  Really?  This is something he tells me to do and by the time I get around to it, he has already done it having put everything of mine in a bag or box.  Pisses me off.  So, he gets the mail and says he had planned to sit and go through the mail.  Fine, I left and came up here.  That was the wrong thing to do.  Why do I always acquiesce to his desires?  Oddly, assertiveness is not in my genetic make-up and so, I will have to learn it.  I am someone and I can't keep letting him-or others-keep walking all over me.  Can you say doormat?  I will go back downstairs in a minute and start clearing off the table in the living room.  He was excited about that because he plans to keep all of his friend's wives pepper plants on it to winter over-they go south for the winter.  He gives all this "kindness"-and yes, I know he does these things so that others like him-but cares not for what I might need or want.  I will use the table as a clean space to do crafts or whatever I choose!  If he insists on the plants, I want to have the balls to tell him to stick them up his ass.  Of course, being the kind-hearted girl that I am....I will offer to stick them up his ass for him.  And therefore, watch for a future post where I complain about the fact that these plants are all over my house.  You do know that when I met him, my house was totally paid for, right?  Yes, two mortgages later my house has gone down in value to the point that it is worth about as much as the mortgage.  He promised me twice that he would pay them off. No one to blame but myself.
But I have been feeling so much better lately despite the fact that it has been cloudy and rainy for several days now.  You will think me even weirder than usual when I tell you the reason.  I have been watching Dancing with the Stars and the one guy had been seriously injured/burned in the war.  Then he was/is? on General Hospital.  He has the most upbeat, happy amazing attitude EVER!  He is an inspiration to me.  Peace-out!

8 comments:

ancient one said...

The guy you like on dancing with the stars, is the one I like also!! I truly admire him!!

Shen said...

I just watched the movie pleasantville for the first time, yesterday - it was awesome, and I thought of you.

I'm wondering if you've ever looked into CoDA? I don't want to tell you what to do, but the issues you describe in your relationship sound OH so familiar, and ascertiveness is something we can learn. It's helped me a lot.

The one thing I've learned beyond a doubt is you can't change someone else. They may decide to change, and they may not, but you sure can't change them. What you can do is change yourself, and in so doing, you can set boundaries that make it harder for someone to take advantage of you. It's a skill so many of us didn't learn in childhood. We were taught we had no right to say no, to stand up for ourselves, and it comes through in every relationship we have... including the ones we have with ourselves.

Ms. A said...

I used to be a doormat. No more. People will treat you according to what they can get away with. If you allow them to walk on you, they will. I agree you can't change them, nor should you expect to. You have to change how you view yourself, in order to show them what you will and will not accept, which also involves respecting yourself enough, to know you are worth it. If you don't respect yourself, how can you expect someone else to?

Dee said...

Being a doormat destroys your own sense of self worth. Hope you learn to demand what you deserve, rather than settle for what you get.

R. Jacob said...

All this means is now you will make some time for yourself and show off your artistic skills which I will be happy to post!

Suz said...

Mrs. A is right (again.) He will treat you the way you let him treat you. You don't have to get into a fight about it, just stay calm and tell him "no" once in a while.

Wanda's Wings said...

Saying NO can be a wonderful thing. It can be hard, but it is worth it.

Coffeypot said...

I am excited that you are thinking about getting a set of balls and standing up for yourself. And I think it would be great if you were the one to shove the plants up his ass. If you need the help, I'll keep passing them on to you as you do it.