Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Pleasantville Post

POLICE BLOTTER: Mailman saves Banshee Woman. A mailman heard screams coming from a house a few doors down from where he was delivering mail. He reports that he started running through the snowdrifts, slowing only to toss the mail at the next two houses. He sees the Banshee Woman out in front of her house, screaming and totally out of control. He hands her the mail which she immediately throws up in the air like rice at a wedding. Feeling an increased sense of urgency, the mailman tosses her catalogs and magazines to the ground and reaches into his bag, bringing out a white package. The Banshee screams as she rips the package out of the mans hand and tears it open with her teeth. She dumps the contents into her hands, opens the cap and immediately pops two pills into her mouth. The mailman stayed by her side until her breathing slowed. She then thanked him for bringing her xanax.

GOVERNMENT: This is a reminder that on January 1st 2011, a law went into effect prohibiting smoking inside one's house. Please obey the law.

On a more positive note, there is a new government program that many are unaware of. Everyone is eligible regardless of race, religion or political party. Due to the cost, this program will be implemented at random - see related article below. Even if you are not a model, this will be a wonderful addition to your home. At select intersections, there will be cameras set up to capture your picture. These beautiful head shots will be delivered right to your door. Each photo comes complete with the time, date and place your photo was taken. They come ready to frame. These photos are yours to keep for the low, low price of $100.00. But Wait! Shipping and handling are free. This is not a limited time offer. So, watch your mailbox. You may be one of the lucky ones. In the rare instance that you are not pleased with your picture, please bring it in to the courthouse nearest you.

In related news,..President and Mrs. Hussein have informed the press that they discovered their daughters had been raiding the government coffers. They have assured the public that the debt. will be fully paid back once the girls are old enough to get jobs. The President then closed the press conference by letting the public know that they shouldn't be alarmed when their taxes continue to rise. Oprah Winfrey offered to pay the children's debt - while in a private meeting in the presidents bedroom. President Hussein declined her generous offer and thanked her - *twice*.

17 comments:

The Minute Man's Wife said...

You are a funny one my dear! So glad to see this new side of you!!

On My Soapbox said...

The mailman saves the day! Glad to hear Banshee Woman got what she needed. I'm afraid what she would post if she didn't. ;-)

Kristy said...

Very Funny. Loved Banshee Woman

John McElveen said...

Xanax--The quicker calmer downer!!

One of the Best Drugs ever made!

J

Karen Kyle Ericson said...

This is funny! Thanks for sharing it.

In the Pink said...

That poor mailman...how many times has he seen this woman in such a state of disrepair.

KittyCat said...

ummmm what?

Mrs. Tuna said...

Neither rain nor sleet, those darn mailmen.

Ed said...

I thought there was maybe choclate in the package.

Sandra said...

Ok. You're so smart. This post was brilliant.
And I'm with Kristy: Go Banshee Woman!
PS: Everytime I see the name of your blog, I start singing the song by Genesis. I happen to love Genesis, will be singing this song all weekend, and as a result will be thinking of you.
And you're right: if I was a better grandmother to Chilean Monkey, I would have gotten him a tiny potty chair! Bad Grandma! :) You're terrific!

Aunt Juicebox said...

Well...glad you got your xanax finally. lol

Anonymous said...

point spread5 & Denver Broncos 8 31st 8:20pm ESTLast season the Pittsburgh Steelers were an absolute mess as they couldn Nov5 of that guaranteedInvesting in advertising is very costly in this game because if a company gets only a 30 seconds of commercial slot during the game then the cost if one millionEven though the New Orleans Hornets shocked the Bobcats to win the lottery [url=http://www.denverbroncosteamproshop.com/authentic-von-miller-womens-jersey-c-9_22.html]Cheap Von Miller Jersey[/url]
selected cornerstone Anthony Davis, they are too young to win too much in the Western Conference May 20th, 2010byStacyAlthough specific terms of the contract agreement were not disclosed, Dan LeFevour signed a contract Thursday with the Chicago Bears that amounts to a fouryear deal Obedience can be taught to your dog through games [url=http://www.denverbroncosteamproshop.com/authentic-peyton-manning-womens-jersey-c-9_17.html]Cheap Peyton Manning Jersey[/url]
following basic instructions can be fun
The Sixers arenDespite the loss to the Bills last week, the Raiders have looked pretty good to start the season, but they will face their toughest test in Week 3 against the Super Bowl title contending New York Jets Dogs' needs to play too [url=http://www.washingtonredskinsprostore.com/art+monk+jersey+freeshipping-c-9_19.html]art monk jersey[/url]
so giving quality time to play can help develop a better communication, underst[url=http://www.washingtonredskinsprostore.com/robert+griffin+iii+jersey+freeshipping-c-9_49.html]Robert Griffin III Jersey[/url]
ing, [url=http://www.washingtonredskinsprostore.com/pierre+garcon+jersey+freeshipping-c-9_31.html]Pierre Garcon Jersey[/url]
respect with your dogThis game will be played in Cincinnati on Sunday [url=http://www.washingtonredskinsprostore.com/art+monk+jersey+freeshipping-c-9_19.html]art monk jersey[/url]
the Bengals will be looking to get back on track after being dominated by the arch division rival Pittsburgh Steelers last week (357), but I believe that the Texans will continue their current win streak this weekend by pulling off the upset against the Bengals 25th 2010 4:15pm ESTThe Dallas Cowboys were considered to be arguably one of the best teams in the NFC Conference if not the entire [url=http://www.nikeatlantafalconsstore.com/womens-tony-gonzalez-red-jersey-c-9_16.html]Tony Gonzalez Jersey[/url]
before this [url=http://www.denverbroncosteamproshop.com/authentic-peyton-manning-womens-jersey-c-9_17.html]Peyton Manning Jersey[/url]
regular season began, but despite having one most potent offenses in the league with a perennial Pro bowl quarterback Tony Romo leading the way, America? Both of these players had promising years back in 2009 but have yet to make a strong impression this year The [url=http://www.washingtonredskinsprostore.com/robert+griffin+iii+jersey+freeshipping-c-9_49.html]Womens Robert Griffin III Jersey[/url]
network broadcasts a huge assortment of great shows throughout the year

Anonymous said...

o'er the years, one-armed bandit political machine games have been providing the many casino games On-line today. [url=http://www.onlinecasinoburger.co.uk/]http://www.onlinecasinotaste.co.uk/[/url] online casino Try out sedimentation Bonuses, Spell sediment bonuses are normally Redeemable and do not Get maximum onanism restrictions. http://www.tasty-onlinecasino.co.uk/

Anonymous said...

They would rather customers utilise a insure tierce political party Hamburg vs Bayern Munchen. [url=http://www.yqilh.co.uk/]online casino[/url] online casino When a casino gives a bonus its danger direction for casino vacations or gambling road trips. http://www.qouar.co.uk/

Anonymous said...

Elle Est le fruit d'ONU travail d'observation et de pratique d'accompagnement [url=http://www.cigaretteelectroniquefr.co.uk]cigarette electronique[/url] cigarette electronique Maintenant, il ya eu une maladie cardiaque de l'ONU doivent Consulter m?decin avant d'UTILISER, DANS Tous les CAS Vous pouvez also demandeuse conseil? Votre pharmacien. http://www.cigaretteelectroniqueafg.co.uk

Anonymous said...

Of course 10 years ago when that benchmark was introduced, civilian fork out was at this standard [url=http://www.tmedi.co.uk/]bad credit payday loans[/url] bad credit payday loans Which are the signs and symptoms showing that you have a good itchy skin color with no break outs http://www.bensbadcreditloans.co.uk/

Anonymous said...

All the same, Unsecured Unsecured loans facilitate this borrowers to get satisfying the requirements even in the absence of collateral [url=http://www.mikespaydayloansuk.co.uk/]uk payday loans[/url] payday loan uk Street makes the headline, and Mark clarifies exactly what that means: They are still obtaining bonuses, even so the partners usually are not http://www.tmfea.co.uk/