Friday, February 25, 2011
I've still got it!
So we're in the middle of playing Canasta and the doorbell rings. It's Fred? He used to deliver the newspaper. We haven't gotten the paper in a couple years plus, someone else took over the route and delivered our papers for 3+ years prior to us quitting. The Hunter remembered him, invited him in. So that's why I am up here. If the Hunter could have been a businessman, with his networking skills,...well lets just say that nobody does it better. And did I ever tell you about the attic? We have two attics. One is normal. You know, the one where the squirrel used to live? The one where my son kept his outgrown toys. So the squirrels were glad to have this added material to use for nesting purposes. One of the items was his Dukes of Hazard car. The original Dukes of Hazard. Sad. But that's not the attic I am talking about. The Hunter got those squatters out and cleaned up the mess and made it so that they couldn't come back. Then he shot the ones he saw in the backyard. WHAT? Did you not notice he is called The Hunter? Back to the attic that is in the middle of the wall,... so picture this,..our house is over 110 years old. It has 2 sets of scary stairs plus one to the basement but we aren't talking about that cuz it's irrelevant. The narrow - curved at the bottom - staircase that goes up to our bedroom is a total wall on one side and a partial wall on the other. There's a railing across that part of our bedroom. Hope you are getting this, I mean, I never said I was a fucking engineer! That railing has a narrow "ledge" below it, like the ledge is the base of the rail. Ug. Let's focus on the total wall. Halfway up the stairs, look up on the solid wall and you will notice a door for midgets, right in the center of the wall. You get that there's no landing or stairs or even a thick rope on which to climb up to get to/thru this door, right? Can you picture it? We used to keep our Christmas stuff up there as well as a few of my collections like compacts and paperweights. So guess what I can still do. The Hunter wanted a bat of roofing insulation down from there. I was the chosen one. No way! Remember when I 'bout fell off that moving van when we were loading it? The ramp had been put up and I KNEW I couldn't just grab that bar on the one side and get down alive. I asked The Hunter to help me and he said no. My first husband was there too. Anyway, even though I know better, I do have a stubborn "I can do it attitude." And so I did. Rather,...I tried. I grabbed that bar and started to get down and swung like a stripper on a pole. I held on 'till my mostly blind son came to my rescue. Point being,....I knew the attic thing was a bad idea too, but the stubborn girl that lives inside me said "Do it!" The technique? Open dwarf door. Go to the top of the stairs. Turn around. Grab the rail, hold on for dear life and walk partway down that narrow ledge at the bottom of the rail. The ledge? Take your foot and cut it in half length-wise. Yeah, it's that narrow. Don't look down because it is an unsafe distance down to the stairs that you just walked up to begin your dangerous feat. When you are close to falling to your death, reach for the door jam, then jump across the chasm. Don't forget to duck your head cuz you are normal sized after all! I did it! I make it! I got the insulation and,.........WTF, I had to face death again in trying to get down. Apparently God held me up because I am here to tell you all about it.