Wednesday, February 23, 2011

PLEASANTVILLE POST

WEATHER OR NOT
Yesterday's weather was soft with a 20% chance of warm hugs. Last night you may have noticed a slap of cold air. This evening there was brief 1/2" long pieces of clear rain mixed with 1/2" pieces of white rain. Then there were the tiny round snow pellets. Small. Well, you know the round pieces of foam that are inside a bean bag chair? Yeah, like that but smaller. This evening it may be a tid bit nippley. If you girls are going out for cocktails, be sure to wear your concealer petals. This does not apply to the Royals. In fact, I predict an increase in business tonight.
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EDITORIAL
I do believe we have had enough of this "politically correct" bullshit! Relax people! Take a chill pill. Ease up, will ya? Tell it like it is. Don't be so sensitive. If you feel you need help in understanding how to quit worrying about censoring your every thought, there's a program you can watch. Times and stations vary so please check your listings. The documentary is called, "All in the Family." Yes, it is for the entire family. Live and let live, ok?
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FOOD AND DRINK
As you are all aware, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. But you can get in a rut. Just how many eggs can a person consume? We have come up with two alternative breakfast choices.
1 - Wheaties and Whiskey. Helps you ease into your morning.
2 - (My favorite) - 24 oz. coffee. 8-10 cigs. and 7 pills. This can be followed by a Xanax chaser. This dulls the noisy kids and makes driving waaay more interesing. See? Mornings can be fun.
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RELATIONSHIP EXPERT
My husband reads in the bathroom like everyone else. My concern is,....instead of magazines,..he is reading a Reloading Manuel. Should I be worried? I mean, do you think he's planning to shoot me? Please answer soon as I am getting scared.
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FASHION
Just a word about following the trends. Did you buy a pair of those boots with the open toe? REALLY? Exactly when/where did you plan to wear them? When it's cold out and snow and frigid winds can get in? Or do find comfort in wrapping a leather boot around your feet in the summer by telling yourself that your feet are cool because of the hole in the toe? Dumb idea. And platform shoes that are platform upon platform? What? Go buy yourself a pair of stilts already. This is getting ridiculous. In fact, just yesterday I bought myself a beautiful pair of Chinese Laundry very high heeled clogs. I um,..no wait! I bought them for research. They make me feel so sex,...no, I mean to tell you, they were the most uncomfortable shoes ever. I have worn them for 5 days now and I really lik,...can't return them. Never mind.
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DR. HOUSE KNOWS
Dear Doctor House, the only time I feel good and normal is when I take 1 or 2 vicodin a day. My doctor won't prescribe it for me stating that it harmful because it is addictive. How can I convince him I should be on this medication? signed, Unhappy.
Dear Unhappy,...your doctor is an idiot! Vicodin is a very safe magic drug. He should not be denying you this. Go on-line and get some. If you are still having problems, e-mail me and I will hook you up.
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11 comments:

Bleeding Healer said...

That is so creative and so funny at the same time. This is a different approach you took this time and I like it. Sorry for not commenting often it's just that I don't what to say and how to say it, but I read your blog daily.

suz said...

I like breakfast #2. It's eerily close to reality.

Great post!

The Queen said...

I'm with Suz on this one, breakfast number two.. of course, it's just the chaser for breakfast number one in this castle.. but still,, if I had to pick

Joe Cap said...

I can eat lots of eggs.
Eggs are my favorite fruit.

LiBBy said...

I read reloading magazines on the toilet all the time and haven't shot anyone yet...of course Im saving it all up to go postal someday..kidding everyone.
Tell your doc if he dosent give you vicodin it will force you to become addicted to your xanax just to spite him.

Coffeypot said...

Don't worry about he Hunter reading a ReLoad magazine. He is good enough to use one shot. No need to reload. Feel better now?

On My Soapbox said...

Hey, if you find an online Vico supplier, lemme know. ;-) Oh, and what the hell does "politically correct" mean? I don't think I want to add that term to my vocabulary. It sounds complicated.

Just Plain Tired said...

I'll have you know I had pizza for breakfast here. not in a rut at all. ;)

Shen said...

You made me smile

the weather - hah, like it matters. It's the weather inside that causes me the most shift and change.

breakfast - I had two today, so I guess I am twice as important? I did have my six pills, coffee, cigs and am still contemplating the xanax... since I took them last night I feel as if I ought to wait a bit
- Doctor house may disagree

John McElveen said...

HAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I HATE PC'ness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

J

Word verification is Hicat. I am offended. It should be

Hola- non-domesticated feline!

TODO MUNDO PROCURA AQUI said...

Não sou apenas um perdido, mas sim descobridor de tesouros lindos, onde pessoas são verdadeiros diamantes, com tanto talentos, capaz de colorir realmente qualquer dia nublado.