I need more drugs!!!!!

Maggie is fine.  Hunter is leaving soon for hunting or whatever the hell it is he really does.  I am going to Vegas a day or two before he gets home.  He finally said he would pay for my flight but no spending money.  I said I would be fine.  He was shocked that I didn't respond the way he wanted to.  He likes to argue.  Then he asked if I had called my investment (IRA) people to have them send me money.  I said no.  I didn't need any.  I told him my son and daughter-in-law would feed me.  You know....I could get into all his bullshit but I won't bore you.  I think you pretty well know the drill with him.  I even got my starter husband to agree to drive me to the airport and also pick me up.  How cool is that?  I know Hunter is frustrated that he can't get me all pissed off.  Funny thing is...this morning I wasn't feeling good because of all the stress the last week or so.  And he asks if I am OK.  And it really does feel like he cares but eventually it all comes up in a negative way when he is yelling at me.  We went to the apple orchard and while I was literally falling asleep, we got a bunch of stuff and had a good time.  He even seemed concerned cuz I kept falling asleep in the truck.  I NEVER do that.  So that tells you how I have been feeling.  Now he's threatening to take away the   discover card.  It is what I use for gas and cigs.  I get no  money.  None.  He's an ass but I won't leave.  I just need to learn to ignore him.  I have alot of medical needs and could never afford it on my own.  The one thing I won't do is touch my retirement.  He can try all he wants to get me to do so.  Not gonna happen.  Never.  It is the only thing I can count on.   If worse comes to worse-I know, how much worse could it get-I will quit taking any pills and die if that's the way it will be.  But hey, he can't take away my insurance as long as we are married. 
I will be fine.  I just need to go deaf and ignore him.  If anyone leaves.....it's gonna be him.
Looking forward to spending a month away from him!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhh, I really wanted to slap that look right off her face!

Sadly, I am talking about my 12 year old grand daughter.  I went to my Daughter's yesterday because they just received notice that they are being evicted in 2 weeks.  Her husband works 6 weeks at a time in which ever state they send him.  He won't be home until a day or so after the eviction.  He asked for permission to go home and help with all this.  He is waiting for am answer.  They have $$ now but when you haven't paid your mortgage in 4 years......yeah, not good.  At least they are all caught up on their utilities.   And all my advice has fallen on deaf ears so I just went over there to go to the library to use the computers there to look for places to rent.  Ended up being a productive day although I can't get her to change her spending or how she mother's her children..  At least make them meals. Plan ahead, etc.  They have a fridge and 2 freezers full of food.

The thing with Meadow?  Yes, all Dawn's kids are and have been under so much stress.  But Meadow?  She gets this extremely haughty face on her and ignores her mom and now me also!  We dropped her off at the batting cages and Dawn arranged for the coach to bring her home.  Meadow was livid.  The coach's wife was there and Dawn usually keeps these things private but some how started talking to the coach's wife.  Turns out she has a friend that is renting out a 3 bedroom house.  Hopefully things will work out.  One way or another they always do.  Anyway, we could not bring her home because we had to pick up Cain at the airport.  Meadow acts like we should have stayed and/or picked her up from batting practice.  Really? And leave Cain at the airport?
After we got home, Meadow was being all nice and everything.  I can't flip the switch that soon.  The disrespect was too blatant. For her to have acted like she did and to also push me away when I tried to hug her?  Oh No.  That doesn't fly with me.

I have raised both a son and a daughter and yes, boys are so much easier.  My kids weren't perfect.  Far from it.  But I would categorize them as typical teens.  I honestly wanted to smack that look right off Meadow's face.  I have never, EVER hit a kid, mine included.  But boy.......you have no idea.

Well, I will close asI have to help Hunter put up a pair of mini-blinds.  Yeah, I know.  But I will help him anyway.  In the mean time,....enjoy the 100 degree temps today.  I know I will!

Saying Goodbye.

Went to dinner with friends in Aurora, Illinois.  Then to a play their grand daughter was in.  I love plays so much.  I get totally caught up in them.  This one was "Foot Loose."  It was all I could do not to get up and dance. Really!

Will be going out to  see my son and his family tonight to take them to dinner.  They are leaving tomorrow to go back to Las Vegas.   Grandson Cain is going with them so that Jennifer doesn't have to drive the whole way by herself.  Cain recently got his license and I hope he does OK.  Please pray they have a safe trip home.  Cain will fly home.  I would like to go with them and help drive but I have several appts. and more so, my anxiety has reared it's ugly head for the last week or so.  I honestly can't say why.  My son and daughter have been on the outs for a few years now.  They talked for about 45 minutes yesterday regarding Cain's going to Vegas.  I am thrilled for that.  I have told them many times that at some point they will have only each other although they will always have their spouses and kids.  John and Jennifer will be taking Cain to church with them Saturday night.  They really want my daughter's family to embrace Christ.  Pray that they do.  It  doesn't take away problems but it will help them deal with them.  They will know to lay their burdens at the foot of the cross.  And more importantly...they will get to spend eternity in Heaven. 

Not much has been going on here with me.  I hate that I am always so tired.  I hate that I feel I don't have the energy to do the things I want and need to do around the house.  It is often just a matter of getting off my lazy ass to begin and more often that not, I start getting a kind of momentum.  Then I keep going.

Heat.  Don't want to eat. When I do, the food doesn't stay with me very long.  Can't weigh myself cuz Hunter threw the scale out.  I wish we still had it.  It weighs us at 30#s less than we really are.  Then I can pretend that is my true weight.  Oh...I do alot of pretending.  Facing reality is a bit too difficult at times.

Hunter took Maggie to the farm with him this morning.  I tried to talk him out of it.  When he got home....he let her out of the car to pee and she didn't.  Then the little fucke puppy instantly peed in the house. 

High of 100 degrees again.  I am sure they will cancel Meadow's ball game.  Is heat really different in dry climates?  People say it is and I tend to believe them.  I'll find out when I visit Vegas this coming June.

Wishing you all peace.



Hope you are all well and able to escape the heat.