The Patience of a Saint?

Not even the patience of a St. Bernard!  Not today.  (Actually, I wish I had a St. Bernard.  Don't they carry around those casks of Brandy? ) Did you ever try to walk a wild-eyed scribble?  That's what it was like walking Maggie this evening.  Not only did she walk farther than ever but she ran like crazy even when we got home!  And then there's the biting.  You know how George -our neighbor- pulls his own teeth out with a pliers?  Well if  Maggie doesn't stop this biting shit when her permanent teeth come in......I am going to get George over here with his pliers!  I am NOT cruel!  I will get her drunk first.   So I will  have to throw her food in a blender.  Not a problem.  She has plenty of "teething" toys.  I do not look like any of them and yet......she insists on biting at my shoes so I don't wear any.  She bites my fingers so I curl them into a fist.  I try to remember not to get all up in her face when I am saying NO to her biting cuz my cheeks look so tasty to her.  And normally I am pretty quick.  But she is quicker.  When I wear sundresses, she jumps up and rips grabs the hem.  Today I was wearing my "I'm a slob cuz I'm staying home" shorts.  Damned if she didn't jump up and grab the hem and pull them half off me!  Good thing I wasn't going commando.  I'm sure that by now she thinks her name is "No-No Bad Dog."
But like a real baby, she is adorable when she is sleeping and so fun when she jumps up on the open door of the dishwasher to "pre-wash" my dishes with her tongue.  Now if she would just keep her legs closed and her mouth shut......Wait!  Didn't people used to say that about me?