Wednesday, April 17, 2013

The cross of confusion.

My oldest grandson Cain just turned 18 and got a tattoo.  I am fine with that. is called the cross of confusion.  It is not a good thing.  He is smart and he had to have known what it meant.  If he is kind of sitting on the fence about believing.....well, that's just not something you get a permanent tattoo of.  I am very saddened by this.  He had it posted on facebook but has since taken it down.  There must be a reason.  He is not someone who will readily talk about anything.  (None of my daughter's kids are.) 
Yesterday at the track meet-as always when I am with Dawn and her family-I feel invisible.  I am sure it is just my perception.  I know the kids always ask mom if Granny is coming.
Let's add a shit-ton of rain and darkness and I am in the depression pit again.  On the bright least I am not in that mental state of feeling blank.
I have sooooo given up on ever having a home.  I am afraid to get rid of all my stuff because I might need to sell it to get money to live-although I realize that I am probably thinking exaggeratedly.  Than there is the true knowledge that I will still be living in a house with holes in the walls and floors and ripped up carpeting and uninsulated windows decorated by all manner of taxidermy.
And yes.....I am aware that this is nothing compared to those who are suffering due to the terrible tragedies that just keep coming.  Innocent people.  So many innocent, good people suffering needlessly.  Why?  What is wrong with people?  So much evil in the world today.  I hate it.  I hate that there is nothing I can do about it but pray.


Red Shoes said...

My own kids cause me so much heart ache... I fear I have no words of wisdom for you, dear... :o(



Coffeypot said...

The Cross of Confusion represents Question Everything. Not just the belief in God.

klahanie said...

I think that tattoo is more a statement of questioning. And it seems, most kids of that age are not ready to converse about anything.

Please never let the depression dictate your right to a better life. I know it can be overwhelming, but you gotta' keep looking for the positive possibilities.

The atrocities we have seen go beyond any comprehension. In my own way, I pray for a more peaceful, compassionate planet.


Just Be Real said...

Blessings to you dear one.

Ida Thought said...

You sound like a very thoughtful and perceptive grandmother, and so does your grandson. They might ignore you at times but it reminds me of a clip on youtube I saw recently about cathedrals, and how so many of the original builders are unknown or didn't live long enough to see there work completed... and how centuries later even non religious people can admire the great design, structure and artistry.

Rebecca said...

Never UNDERestimate the role prayer plays in these troubling times...Interestingly, I'm reading a book I picked up in a thrift store, Speake What We Feel Not What We Ought to Say: Four Who Wrote in Blood. It deals with the journey through difficult times & depression of four writers - Gerard Manley Hopkins, Mark Twain, Shakespeare (and someone else I can't remember right now). Written by Frederick Buechner. If it had no other value, it is reassuring to know that others have walked through darkness and pain. Maybe their journey (and ours) are part of the plan to reach out and touch generations we will never see.....

ancient one said...

Prayer works... just keep on doing it... We see the little picture... GOD sees the BIG PICTURE...

Outcast said...

Being a guy who hasn't spent much time studying any particular type of religion this has me confused Middle Child, does the cross of confusion mean that he's not sure what to believe? I guess it shows that he's still open minded to Christianity, just uncertain which is a good thing but if that is the case then why get something permanent, it's confusing and I understand your upset.

When it comes to the home I hope that while your own new home might not be possible, that you can stump up some money to get insulation and various problems sorted, hopefully something works out.

Unknown said...

Hey, I just came across Thiss... The most likely reason for getting this tattoo is that it is used by the heavy metal band devildriver. That sounds worse I suppose until you understand What a "devildriver" is. A devildriver is a bell used to drive away evil from old superstition... The more you know!

heathen said...

Don't feel bad he's not a sheep

Unknown said...

The singer of the band Dez chose the name devildriver because music has been a devildriver of sorts in his life. His passion for music kept him on a better path (not in prison or dead). The cross of confusion is question everything. There are lots of crappy people out there in the world with bad intentions... question it. Like one of their albums is titled "the fury of our makers hand" his explanation is we are just an extension of our maker. We are living in all of our fury but it's due to our maker. Some may take that as if you want a better world don't pray for it. You are one with your maker so become a force for good. It takes the complacency out of life. Like the name of god, I am that, I am. The suffering you see... the good in this world you are. So own it and make a change for the better. Reminds me of the lyrics of a killswitch engage song called "hate by design" Born into this world of hatred
We are born free
From the restraints of this society,
Helpless to what is instilled
To all those who raise us, mold us, and shape us
There is a time to separate,
From this
A reason why, a state of mind,
There's a disconnection
A judgement made
Fueled by hate, it's your mistake,
It's a choice you made
It's tearing us apart
Hate by design,
Is destroying our lives
Seek to find,
Some understanding
Redefine your life
Consequence, effected
In a life that is rejected,
Anger misplaced
A burden on our hearts,
That's keeping us apart,
No love,
No understanding
What we design is hate inside,
A misconception,
A judgement made
(A judgement made)
It's our mistake,
We create,
When we lose compassion,
It's tearing us apart
Hate by design,
(Hate by design)
Is destroying our lives
Seek to find
(We'll seek to find)
Some understanding,
Redefine your life
Redefine your understanding
Redefine your own life
Hate by design,
(By design)
Is destroying our lives,
(Our lives)
Seek to find,
Some understanding
Redefine your life

So don't judge based on the title. The singer in this band "Jesse leach" wanted to spread a positive message through his music. Open your mind before you judge

Unknown said...

Devildriver is my shit!

merple said...

maybe the kid didn't agree with being indoctrinated into a belief system based on myth before he had a choice in the matter