Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I got dressed today.

I always feel better when I put on real clothes.  I know that for most people, staying in pajamas is something to do on a deary day or a cold winter day.  Warm.  Snugly. A time to bake and watch movies with the kids.  It's a good thing and a rare pleasure.  For me it requires too much energy and a why bother and I wallowing in self-pity.

I logged on to John and Jennifer's church's web site,  Canyonridge.org.  There was a Spiritual Gifts Assessment thing.  My gift is:  Mercy.  There were several questions about speaking in tongues.  I do not believe in that.  Actually, I can barely speak my own language.  There's alot of times where I have to pause and think, remember.  That's sad when you consider that my mind and wit was so very quick.  Sometimes when I am talking, Hunter is able to translate what I am wanting to say.  I also had a way of knowing what others were going to say after the first few words.  And even before they opened their mouths.  At least I can still spit out quick words or more like answers.  Answers that would elude me if I had to think about it.  I have always felt that all we have heard or learned in still in our brains.  Deep in the recesses of our minds.  Stored in boxes and they sometimes pop up at just the right moments.  But the regular me has to use alot of the words....".thingie, um,...what do you call it and you know."  Rather,the new me.

Yesterday, well actually the last several days have been hard on me.  Even to the point of stomach aches and being "beside myself."  Yeah.  Hunter.  But it is me letting him get to me.  I need to be stronger and yes, as many of you have pointed out, I DO deserve to be happy.  It is I who allows myself to feel hurt.  I am too sensitive and perhaps it is that I make everything about me and my feelings.  That seems weird to be saying out loud but I don't discount that it could be true. 

Shall we talk dinner plans again?  I told Hunter I was making Bacon and cheese omelets for dinner tonight with rye toast.  (We do occasionally have breakfast for dinner.)  So this morning he says...."I know you said you were making such and such for dinner but I am going to get out those burgers to have with it."  And he proceeds to make breakfast of pancakes and bacon.  I am pretty sure he made turkey bacon, which I like and he hates.  Brian must have use that and so Hunter, ever the follower, is doing so.  I don't bring it up.  So it is nice that he makes breakfast.  And it is nice that he tells me he made some for me if I want some.

We got our new printer today.  I hope he can hook it up without throwing it across the room if//when things go wrong.  My laptop virus protection-Total Defense-which is crap anyway- is giving me messages that it isn't working and to fix it now and so I do and it says FAIL each time.  We hae Norton 360 on our PC and it is awesome.  But I guess it is expensive and Hunter says I don't need it.  Oh well.  FINE BY ME!  At least he is allowing me to write a check for my therapist today. 

Tomorrow it will be 78 degrees.  Friday...highs in the 40's.  The weather is a little bi-polar like I sometimes think I am.  At other times I think I am not truly depressed.  Just lazy and weak willed.  Please don't misunderstand me.  I am not applying this to others.  Only myself. 

Maggie still thinks I taste good.  Hopefully after we have her spayed in early December, she will have a nicer attitude.  At the very least, with a cone on her head, I will be able to bit the shit out of her.  Payback is hell.

Speaking of hell. Gotta get back to my life here.  Catch ya later!


Yaya said...

I'm glad you got dressed today, sometimes even just changing out of my pajamas is a successful day!

Also very glad he at least made breakfast for you as well, seems like an improvement.


Kristy said...

You sound very depressed. I hope you will feel better soon. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Outcast said...

It was definitely kind of Hunter to make you breakfast, I don't think he's a bad man, I just think that sometimes things can be a little frayed, I'm not sure yet. I'm glad you got dressed too. I'm with you that to spend the entire day in pyjamas just feels weird, there's something not right about it even though it's hard to explain what.

Alexandra said...

What seems like little things to some, are actually HUGE steps to others.

I know. I"ve had times in my life, long periods, where I wake up and must will myself every step of the way.

Take care.


Wanda's Wings said...

I took one of those spiritual gift test and mine was also Mercy. I wish I could have stayed in my PJ's today. I had too much to do. Well dinner sounds interesting. Wishing you a good day.

klahanie said...

Today, I'm not going to leave one of my long rambling comments. Today I want you to know that you have my ongoing support and encouragement, along with those who come and visit you here.

Take care of you,


xoxo_grah said...

Everything will be better soon...:) take care!


Unknown said...

AVG is free.. and it's awesome.. just so you know..