Friday, May 4, 2012

I want to post but.....

I just have been too tired.  There are things I've wanted to talk about but all I can think about is wanting to sleep.  My son-in-law leaves Sunday for a weeks training and then goes directly to work.  He will be gone for weeks at a time.  I am going there Sun. as daughter Dawn works a 12 hour shift and she is worried about the kids.  How will they handle their dad leaving.  She is especially worried about her daughter Meadow.  I would do anything for those kids and for my daughter.  But I am tired.  What will I do for 12 hours? 
I dread going grocery shopping.  I know I have to clean but don't want to.  I am too tired.  Yes, I do sleep enough.  Usually 9 and a half hours.  Need to sleep less?  That makes no difference.  Hunter raped my bushes.  That is very disrespectful.  "They are too tall!"  So what does he do?  He cuts them up the sides.  Yeah, that will shorten them.  I got so sad and mad that I decided to just dig up EVERYTHING that I had planted.  Yeah.  The whole yard and I almost did so!  But then I realized that the only thing to do was to get even.  You bet.  "Oh honey.  I'm so sad your garden did so poorly this year."  Then of course, God reminds me that it would be so wrong and that I would feel terrible.  And He's right.  It's just that it makes me want to give up.  And because I have this doctor appt. Monday, I have realized that I will never have a house that is livable.  And that makes me give up.
It is futile.  Life is stupid.

6 comments:

Dazee Dreamer said...

aahhh, come on, life is not awful. It could just be better. I know the pain you are going through about "things", so I understand.

Coffeypot said...

When you get with the grand kids you will do what ever it takes and be good at it. That time is not about you being tired and sleeping. You are that way because you refuse to get off your ass and do something. Taking he depressive easy way out. Shake a leg woman.

Wanda's Wings said...

I sure you are worried about what to do with the kids for 12 hours. That is a long time. How many days a week will you be watching them? I know you are a great grandmother so it will work out! I am not a good gardener so I kill everything I touch. If you need some help clearing it out let me come over and touch it. lol. Hang in there. Thinking about you.

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...

Are you absolutely sure that a certain someone isn't trying their damndest to make you lose your mind orrrrrrrr can a certain someone be that inconsiderate as to destroy everything in their path???
Clue me in please.
A certain someone would have Exlax disguised in their food and weed killer in their garden.
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth....baby! ;0)
That's in the bible. I shit you not!
(((hugs)))Pat

klahanie said...

My dear friend. Something tells me, through your verbalisation, through showing your valid concerns, that you believe, somewhere deep inside you, that you will never give up and that you are determined to have the positive environment that is your right.
For what it's worth, I'm sending you peaceful, respectful wishes.
In kindness, Gary

Gnetch said...

Just enjoy your time with your grand kids. You care about them so much so I'm sure you'll love spending those 12 hours with them.

And don't worry too much. Things will get better because you're a good person. Ignore the toxic people as much as you can.

Sending you lots of love.