Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Pleasantville Post

DR. HOUSE KNOWS

Hi. I am concerned about my husband. He has a bobble head and I don't know what to do about it. Can you help me?

I am so sorry to have to inform you that this is completely incurable. Most people learn to live with this. The only treatment - which would have to be carried on for life - is to have a cage installed. This would totally cover the head and would be attached to the shoulders. Not many choose this procedure for obvious reasons. Some women have found it helpful just avoiding looking at him. Best of luck to you.

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ASK THE VET

I have a black lab that insists on peeing in my flower beds. We do have a large grassy area where we would prefer she do her business. I love and plant only white flowers. Imagine my dismay to see them with yellow blossoms. Any advice?

You have four options here. You can give in and learn to love yellow flowers. You can give the dog away. A small number of people have decided to put down piddle pads and have their dogs pee inside. But the most effective and oft used method is to plant cactus in between your flowers.

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BEAUTY

Today's beauty advice. If you are one of those women who rarely use make-up but have a special event coming up, we suggest you begin the week before with baby steps. Start with foundation. The next day add blush, the next mascara, etc. If you do not prepare yourself ahead of time - even if you do your make-up impeccably. You will more likely than not - scare the shit out of yourself. This is very disconcerting and if the occasion is a funeral or some type of somber event - it would make everyone uncomfortable to show up looking like a hooker (unless this is your profession and people expect you to look like this).

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FASHION

Hopefully you have purchased several new bikinis by now. Plan on wearing one tomorrow. Temps. will be near 60 degrees. This is a day where wearing your Uggs would be totally appropriate. Enjoy!

11 comments:

R. Jacob said...

sure, tease me with Dr. House and end with a vision of you in a bikini! not fair

Coffeypot said...

Don't go to Dr. House. He will have you (or the Hunter) go through an MRI regardless that you have pins in your bones from a childhood accident, three operations, a transfusion of Drano and a coffee enema before the finds out that the problem was a pinched nerve.

Jenner said...

I'd submit to Dr House even if I wasn't in need of diagnostic advice. *drools*

Bleeding Healer said...

Have read most of your posts, whenever you post them...I dont really comment but today i might as well say this is hilarious!!!
BH

Linda Medrano said...

You rock! You should be writing for the movies! Or at least have an advice column. I'd be there every day!

On My Soapbox said...

For "Ask the Vet", I think she should just plant yellow roses. Problem solved. Just don't smell the roses.

KittyCat said...

I like the vet one. BUT catus really? Ouch

Love to hear what the Dr has to say

THUNDERCAT832 said...

*off topic* WOW! I know I made it when I see you on my followers list! I've seen your cute profile pic on the coolest blogs all over! When I saw you on my followers list I almost passed out! Thanks for blessing my blog! YOU ROCK!

Aunt Juicebox said...

I'm wearing my bikini right now....you just can't tell because it's covered up by all my fat rolls. >:P

Kristy said...

I have just started reading your blog not to long ago. It really puts a smile on my face reading the funny posts . Today, I actually laughed. Thanks, for the smile therapy.

Kelly said...

I guess the advice would be the same if the Black Lab decided to make poopie, instead of pee pee, in the flower bed, thus turning the flower petals brown? Please, I must know the answer to this most profound question right away.

Funny post, MC.