Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Little Miss No Name

Beautiful weather! Windy yesterday which I loved. I actually felt good today. I think it was because I went to bed at 10:30. I know, right? Feels like apple orchard time. Soon.
Chuck calls periodically. He is still at the farm, doing things for everyone else but us. I'm used to it. Had one of my crying things yest. for no discernable reason. He's like,.."You cryin'?" I lie and say no. We talked a bit and he says (cuz by then he knows I'm crying) go outside, weed the garden. Really? Like that would help. Sometimes I just have days like that. I don't know if I miss him or am mad at him or there's something weird deep down inside of me. (different than the weird that is right out in the open!) Kind of like a pop quiz or a sudden shower.
But I am ok today. I bought a crystal decanter and plan to keep Jack Daniels in it on a tray on the counter, along with a couple crystal shot glasses. Why mess with a mixed drink when you can just chug it. Yeah, I'm lazy that way. My dad, mom, sisters and Chuck were/are heavy drinkers and I am tired of being different.
Lots of good comments on my last post! Thank-you so much. I think I stayed up that night 'till 4 AM. Then I only slept 5&1/2 hours. I don't have trouble sleeping. Ever! What I mean to say is that I wish it was ok with society, my husband whoever, that I sleep day and night, thus avoiding life. I see no purpose to living. I don't do anyone any good. I would not be missed. this is not a cry for help, I have had depression for a long time so,....

9 comments:

Coffeypot said...

I have my daemons and dark times, too, with depression. I cannot give you any advice, though, because it is so personal. I know when the dark comes and I know I have two choices. Roll with it and live in self pity or get outside and get fresh air. My blog helps, too. But YOU ARE IMPROTANT and needed here. Do not let him take your self-worth away. Also, Jack is one of my favorite things to sip. But doing the drunk thing changes nothing and you feel like shit afterward. I still think you should look elsewhere for some companionship. Everyone needs their hugs one way or another.

Another Day of Crazy said...

I sleep too, to avoid. It makes the waking hours more bearable. Cheers to chugging, but don't be silly, of course you'd be missed.

Anonymous said...

I just took my sleeping meds with a chug of wine. My usual nightly 'mixed' drink! Hey, if it works...

Jimmy said...

The depression sneaks up on you at times and other times it just slaps you in the face, look it in the eyes and just smile because I know you are not crying for help so laugh at it instead.

The Bipolar Diva said...

I hate the depression. Those feelings are all to close to me. I'm sorry. I'm not really sure what to say other than I hate that you're going through that.

SoccerMom said...

Everyone has their struggles. Its just that some deal better than others.

I personally have never been depressed. sad yes.
many times.

I have many family memebers that have serious depression.
It is a horrible thing.

I am sending you smiles today. and some happy thoughts.

Joe Cap said...

I am sorry you are feeling blue. I know what it is like, sometimes I feel like my life is useless, I hate my days, and never do anything fun.
I can't make you feel better, but you are not alone, and don't ever feel unloved.

peedee said...

Coffeypot is right. Get out and do something. Anything that you like. It works.

You are worthy and needed. You've got to believe it.

xoxo

Linda Medrano said...

I find when I'm feeling the blue meanies, walking my dogs helps me. It's not a big thing, just leash up the two critters and see their joy. Walk out the gate and let them sniff everything they want to sniff. It makes them feel better and it makes me feel better. Okay, then I pour a shot of Maker's Mark when I get back. That helps too.