so. how many Xanax can I take and still drive?

Why am I feeling this way?  I am going to pick-up my grand daughter Meadow today and for some reason I am in high anxiety mode.  WTF!  I actually like the drive out there.  Meadow is totally accepting and easy going like me.  I am going to cut her hair.  That's no big deal.  I still cut hair.  I am going to call to see how much it costs to get the ends dyed pink or purple.  (yeah, I got mom's approval.)   We will watch tv and eat and play games and stuff. 
I know it will be fun.  I truly know that.  Wish somebody could fix me.

We did get some snow.  Possible and inch.  The neighbor shoveled my driveway, which wasn't necessary but I am grateful none-the-less. 

I watched the movie 28 Days with Sandra Bullock.  It's about rehad.  I want to be her.  To have those kind of friends.  I want to have that enlightenment   The contentment and happiness that comes from accomplishing something.  To have the strength to overcome my issues.  I know it isn't easy.  But I want that strength.  I want to be proud of myself.  To "wake up" and see the beauty in our  world through clear eyes.

I am sure my next post will be full of the joy of my visit with Meadow.  But I just had to put my feelings into words.

Thanks for listening.  Peace.