I am getting better at catching Hunter's moods. I am learning what to do so that I don't fall into the rabbit hole. And so I move calmly through my day. Crabby without getting a response or reaction works out pretty well. As my son-in-law Jeremy says...."Did you cause the problem? Can you do anything about it?" The answer is no and so I am free not to worry about it.
100% chance of rain so we will not attend the track meet tonight. Besides, it does cost us a bit of gas as they are about 45 mins. away from us. Jeremy leaves this coming Sunday for Texas. Don't know how long he will be gone. He trains for and then begins working as one of those "Turbine Cowboys." See the reality show on T.V. on the Weather Channel. Yeah. He will be working on the wind generators or whatever that you see lined up and twirling in fields. My daughter has major emotional problems because she-like me-lets her husband's emotions and words dictate how she feels. It's a tough thing to overcome. It is-in part-a self-esteem issue but also a question about why he doesn't seem to love me. Then comes the lack of trust, etc. Part of it is how we expect men to read our minds and part is the fact that when we do speak our minds....it is not well received. Men see it as an attack on themselves.
I have fixed myself another little spot in the corner of the garage. Hopeful Hunter will just leave it alone!!! 'Course when I see the Cardiothoracic and Vascular surgeon Monday, I will be told to quit smoking immediately. The thing is....I can and have quit cold turkey. During that time, I didn't have the urge for nicotine. I just felt like I had lost my best friend. I know that sounds crazy but that is how I felt. I went back to smoking because Hunter and I were on a trip, going 75 MPH down the highway and I was so angry at him!!! I finally told him I had to go pee so he stopped a gas station. I bought 2 packs of cigarettes in a "There! That'll show him!" Yeah. Cut off my nose to spite my face. I know I will do it but I will have to find something to keep my hands busy. If I have to go in for surgery at some point, that will help I guess. The last time I had surgery, the nurse asked me if I wanted a patch. I had no clue as to what she was talking about. Then she said a Nicotine patch. I said no. "Course when you get to have delauded, what the hell else could a person want, right?
Hunter is getting the oil changed in my car. Car. Truck. Van. What do you call a cross-over? Like, let's take the truck or...do you want to take my car? But, let's take the cross-over. Nah, I don't think so.