Saturday, April 28, 2012

Mentalpause

Hey girls.  Did you ever wonder about when you went through the "change"?   You kinda knew who you were before.  During?  No one recognized you, not even yourself.  And after.  Well.  What did you change into?  I would have compared it a butterfly.  You know,...warm fuzzy soft caterpillar changing to a cocoon only to emerge as this beautiful butterfly.  I think for me, I started as a soft caterpillar whose terrain became such that I decided to close myself off from the world.  To hide.  Much safer.  Then one day decided it was time to fly and saw nothing.  Back into the cocoon.  Then back out again.  Saw the butterfly!!!   Chased it.  After chasing it for so long I realized the safest place was the cocoon.  Once in a while I come out to chase after the butterfly, seeing it's beauty.  Ever elusive.  And so it goes.

Today was a peaceful one.  I woke up about 10ish.  Smoked, had coffee and played on computer.  We decided to go to the China Buffet for lunch/dinner.  Then home where I clipped and filed Hunter's nails.  You know,....like how monkeys groom each other.  He offered to paint mine.  I was too lazy to take off the faint remnants of old polish but I think I may let him do so tomorrow just for fun.  We then spent the afternoon playing Canasta.  Was fun.  I have yet to get good at this.  I was raised on Bridge and Pinochle.  (------you mean I actually spelled that right???    I didn't hear spell check screaming at me so......yay! 

This weather is just really messin' with my already messed up mind.  Do I weed the flower beds?  Do I put the Christmas lights on?  Sundress or sweatpants.  Boots or sandals.  I really want to work outside in the yard but it is always so damp and cold.  It will be warming up measurably by the end of the week.  Then I'm thinkin'....it seems too late to plant, which it isn't.  We are zone 5 and it's usually safe to plant mid-May.  But I like to have my flower beds cleaned out before then.  And when oh when will I be able to hang laundry.  I love doing that.

So here I am in limbo.  In my cocoon.  Safe.

9 comments:

Ms. A said...

I have very little recollection of what I was, before I wasn't. Been a long time.

Wanda's Wings said...

Cocoons are a nice place to be. Continue to enjoy the weekend. Maybe even paint your toenails.

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...

Interesting. Very Interesting m/f!

I say " let Hunter paint your nails." NO... One Way Street!"
Agree with you that this crazy weather is messing with our minds. Then again....we need something to gripe about other than our hubbys. ;0)
Stay safe....take care.
(((hugs)))Pat

R. Jacob said...

there is always hope

angel shrout said...

See I think I am in the middle of changing. Because before all of this I would not have had the security in myself to take pictures and say out loud that I want to do that. Or do all the writing I do. It used to be in my journals for my eyes only, now putting it out here for everyone. I like the me I am becoming.

Coffeypot said...

I cannot imagine anyone doing my nails,unless I pay for it in a nail doing place...which I did once and didn't really like it. I don't need to be serviced...I can take care of myself.

Gnetch said...

"I didn't hear spell check screaming at me so yay!" <--- that made me laugh!!

Anyway, I'm glad you had a peaceful day! And? About change? I guess I'm still going through it.

Shen said...

I'm glad you're in a place to feel safe and at home. That's a gift -- too rare.

As to the change, I find the wisdom I've been gaining more than offsets anything I'm leaving behind. To be able to think with a clear mind (rather than one overloaded "periodically" with hormones) is a gift, too. :-)

bj said...

O, MiddleChild...stay in your safe place until all is well and you'll do fine.

We had horrible weather here last night....I was hunting for MY safe place.:)