Sunday, October 17, 2010

Help! It's 4AM and I am not asleep and I do not even have to milk cows.

As a matter of fact, I haven't gone to bed yet. What's that about? Don't know. Guess I'm just too stupid to go to bed. It's not like I can't sleep. I can sleep anywhere at anytime with anyo,...um, hell no. I did not just say that! Do I just stay up since I would have to be up in 3 or 4 hours anyway to take my meds? It is especially irresponsible of me to still be up as I have much housework to do before The Hunter gets home on Monday. WTF. Should I go out and help someone deliver the morning newspapers? And those who know me know exactly what I will do. I'll blow off tomorrow and do the housewife scramble on Monday while The Hunter is driving home, hoping to make it look like I've accomplished much. You know,....if I throw on some glossy red lipstick and stilettos I doubt he would notice anything but me. "Course it's always Boom-Boom time whenever he's been away. If I stay up and continue to blog for another couple hours, you guys will get to hear my morning thoughts which are always rambling, random, ridiculous, rushed and rudimentary. I'm hungry. Think I will have a Honey Crisp apple with caramel dip. I think the merits of an apple will cancel out the caramel, don't 'cha think? But then, um,...when should I have my cereal? Oh-oh. I am starting to hear the mash of morning thoughts approaching. Whatever shall I do? Do you realize that I have been up here at the computer off and on for about 10 hours? Please don't call the white coat guys on me. And don't call the red coats either. Oh wait, that's like the British or something, right? Think I'm having a Bi-Polar moment? My brother-in-law is Bi-Polar and he once stayed up for 4 days (and nights, of course.) He was translating the Bible from German into English. Oh, that's right. Some one's already done that. (Don't tell him. I'm sure he feels a sense of accomplishment.) I think it was King James. (Not of the same Kingdom as the Royals of Blog world.) How cool would this post be if I were also drunk? But seriously, since Bloody Mary's are my drink of choice, how many of those could I drink without getting sick from all the Clamato Juice? *slaps forehead with heel of hand* Wow! I could have had a V-8! Still with me? Well go to bed you fools! Are we only allowed so many characters in a blog? Like, will this all of a sudden just stop? I'll probably hit delete or something by mistake anyway. I said by mistake! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? You know,...I hate cell phones. I hate that mine have no bars in no places. I hate when they ring cuz that means some one's calling and I really don't want to talk. I hate that when we switched phones/sim cards, I lost a really cool picture of Meadow and some songs I really liked. Now we don't have the net on our phones so I can't download any. Like at The Hunter's mom's funeral when his phone went off playing Johnny Cash singing Burning Ring of Fire, like - "I went down, down, down in a burning ring of fire. I went down, down, down and the flames got higher,.." You Christians out there can surely see the humor in this. I mean, it was loud and we were, of course, sitting in the front row. BTW, when I say I've been up here off and on, it is because I had to pee and get more coffee and empty the ashtray and shit,..I will have to spray a whole can of air freshener so The Hunter doesn't know I was smoking up here, let alone in the house. Walking man? Tell him you saw me out on the porch the whole time, ok? Did I ever tell you about Purple Hazel? Yeah, she lived right across the street. She had alot of those dark fuzzy facial hairs that defy reason. Well anyway. My step-son named her Purple Hazel cuz he like, smoked pot and she used to yell at him for parking his car in front of her house which is where we are s'posed to park. We all hate her big Sycamore trees. Those damn things have leaves the size of Kirsty Alley's ass and the things fall all year 'round. Oh sorry. I'm getting off track here. Anyway (and a pet peeve of mine is the ever popular word - and I use that term lightly - anywho - hate it!) Who knows? Maybe anyway and anyhow aren't real words either. Far be it from me to read the whole fuckin' dictionary. BTW, for those of you who cringe at the sight or sound of the F-word, since I have become a regular blogger (notice I didn't say professional cuz I am still tech-stupid) I have apparently adopted this word as my personal signature word. Like, I used to tell people that my word was JOY. And I have this word strewn about my house in many different forms. Well, how many decorative forms of my new signature word do you think I've found? None so far. I am also a terrible speller. But at least I know more words than spell check. Ha-ha! Loser. Are you lovin' this new and unrested me? I am. I'll hate myself in the morning. I just don't know which morning. Again! A real knee-slapper. Oh, I just kill me! Well. I gotta go. That apple is calling me. Besides, I think the morning news is on and today might just be the day Obama does something smart. Oh, who am I kidding,.....

11 comments:

Just Plain Tired said...

My sleeping habits vary here a lot. But rarely do I stay up until 4 am. But that is the hour I find myself waking up at much too frequently.

Dazee Dreamer said...

god, that was hilarious.

Joe Cap said...

See, I was right about you liking Bloody mary's in my comment on your last post! I love them too.
I have no problem being up all night if I don't have any obligations to take care of during the day, so you go right ahead and blog all night!

singedwingangel said...

OH Lord I love when you ramble.. talk about bouncing lmbo you remind e of an ADHD person Im up Im down oh looks theres a squirrel and he has a quarter lol..

Coffeypot said...

Sorry! I petered out (not as in me dangling my participial like an exhibitionist either) about 2:30. Sometime I would have sipped (gulped) a little too much Jack or Jim and I would blog my ass off. Then I would delete the shit because it was too maudling and no one would care about my disjointed shit anyway. But you are funny. Thanks for the morning chuckle.

Confessions of a Closet Hoarder but you can call me Judy said...

I'm like you and can usually sleep anytime and anywhere, but the older I get the harder I find it to go to bed at night, and I stay up entirely too late.

And I have to admit that the cell phone going off with that particular ring tone at the funeral caught me off guard. I laughed out loud. :P

the walking man said...

So did you get any sleep yet?

Vic said...

can i have a bite. of the apple. :)

SoccerMom said...

Just wanted you to know that I have had to shut down my site for a tiny bit. I have had been getting threats and harrassed.
I might even have to open a whole new blog. who knows.
Just wanted to let you know.
dont forget about me. Ill keep visiting your site. TIll things are taken care. Visited the police this am. Hope that fixes things.
Oh yeah and happy freakin Monday!

Tracie said...

OMG - that was funny!!!
I don't think I would dare post all my rambling thoughts ;)

Linda Medrano said...

I hope you got some sleep, but even if not, your stream of consciousness verbiage was hysterical!