Monday, September 27, 2010

Kinda like the Grinch.

I'm sure I am not getting this quite right but you recall the part in "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" where they say "His heart grew three sizes that day"? The same thing happened here! Except for that the fact that my husband doesn't have a heart. No,...but his left testicle grew three sizes larger. I know, right? Went to the urologist and he decided it was probably an infection. Put him on anti-biotics. Tomorrow he goes to have a cyst removed from his upper gum line. He's pretty much seen every kind of doctor (for legitimate reasons) except a Gynecologist. I think he should go there just once so he can say he's been to every kind of doctor. It could be an accomplishment like how some people have been to every state in America.

I gave him a haircut (and should charge him so I can support my smoking habit.) Speaking of stingy, I see an e-mail here for over $500.00 for merchandise to be sent to Brian, one of his "boyfriends". Oh well. No wonder I am being put on a tobacco diet. I also mowed but Chuck told me to use the bagger. He said - now get this - I need to use it otherwise we'll have to rake. Um,...I use a mulching mower and it mulches dry leaves too. No fuss, no mess. So I was already having issues with him and it was one of those, "I don't need your fucking help" kind of things. And yup, that was me laying on the grass trying to see and figure out how the hell to put the damn thing on. For awhile there, even though I knew it wasn't really on, it didn't quite fall off and I was thinking I would mow like that. Probably get a twig through my head. Yeah, that'll show him! Finally figured it out and what a dusty messy way to mow. I about coughed a lung out. And I was like that dirty dust ball of a kid from Charlie Brown when I was done. Too bad I actually washed my hair this morning and used product and blew it dry. Now I had to shower again.

I told God many of you said "Hi!" He said thanks but that he already knew.
Green beans? I love them too. Those who requested them, I was only able to fit about 5 in a standard size envelope. Hope they reach you all ok. Opps! I forgot to write HAND CANCEL on them.
Robots? Well, no problem if they're on tv. That's not real. But I went to visit daughter in hospital after she had one of her babies and as I was leaving, I had pushed the button for the elevator. When the doors opened, here was this ROBOT!!!!!! Alone and alive or whatever. It was like, what,..4 ft high? Came out of the elevator on it's own and had a tray of meds? or supplies of some sort. Was delivering it to somewhere. REALLY? Scared the crap out of me! I have since asked my daughter if I imagined this and she keeps saying no - that there are robots who do this. So, what if this robot started following me or chased me or crashed into me? What if it malfunctioned, exploded? "YOU ARE NOT REAL, STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE HUMAN!" Since then, even when the grandkids are playing with robots, I scurry away. They think it's funny. I think it's terrifying and unnatural.

LINDA M. - That'd be weather-bunny. And you need to try to catch the re-runs of Reba if you can. There's one where Barbara Jean tries out to be a weather reporter. It's hysterical!

Enough. I hear Chuck doing his fake, exaggerated yawn to indicate he wants dinner.


The Queen said...

spit in his dinner..

Coffeypot said...

I can't believe you actually changed the mower. I would have walked off and told him to cut the grass with his bagger and to let you know when he was finised.

the walking man said...

From a male point of view it is better to be heartless than nutless. But then you could always send him back to the cardiologist for a chest x-ray to prove whether he in fact does or does not have a heart.

Fact of the matter for the old mans info a mulching mower is not meant to have a bag on it unless it has a two position lever to move it from mulch to catch.

Linda Medrano said...

Don't give him any dinner. Starve him.

KittyCat said...

damn that sucks.
What about those green beans? You gonna send me some or what?

I would just let him fend for himself.

Jimmy said...

They had to show the Grinches Heart grow three sizes rather than his testicle because it is a programs the kids watch and this is something we are not ready to share with them :)

Gnetch said...

He's that mean? Use his toothbrush when you clean the toilet bowl. :p

Just Plain Tired said...

I'm a little late to the party, perused all the fine suggestions already listed, and see that they're adequately covered.

Thanks for the comment on my blog and the follow. Naturally you'll get lost if you follow me long though. ;)

But I definitely appreciated the blog visit, and stuff. :)

Shen said...

amidst the angst there is so much humor in all you write. It's just fun to read you!

It is SO annoying when a spouse feels it is necessary to supervise your work. You're already doing it, for God's sake, now you have to do it his way, too? Sheeeesh. I have one of those in my house.