One word that will stun everyone in the bar to silence.

At the VFW for rib eye.  Hunter likes to go and tries to chat up anyone that will listen.  So he is talking to our friend and I hear him say,....wrinkly LABIA .  WTF!!!!!  Everyone went silent and stared at him.

Speaking of romance.....we didn't go out on our Anniversary/Valentines day.  He suggested we go Saturday and asked where I wanted to go.  I said Olive Garden but I know he doesn't like it.  So...as we had talked previously...we would go to a nice Italian restaurant that we'd gone to once before.  Then he's like.....How about 1776 - a restaurant we haven't eaten at but I grabbed a menu once and it looks like a great place to eat.  So I said OK.  Next thing he is asking if a married couple we know could come with us.  Valentines Day.  Romance.  Anniversary.  What am I not understanding here?

How to use a snow blower:  Show the wife how to start it (lots more to starting it than our last one.)  Tell her.  Then have her do it.  Then yell at her when she asks what the second to the last step was.  And yell at her like she is 5.  On the bright side?  At least it wasn't too cold.  The tears didn't freeze on my cheek.

And so often during the day I want to write another thing down on this blog.  But by the time I get to using the computer...I am usually just wanting to escape.  It's like my day's seem so shitty to me that I really don't care too much.

I can't explain how I feel.  I am not physically abused.  I am not sexually abused.  I thought I was verbally abused - after all, once he called me a knee and I had to ask him what that meant - it means lower than a cunt.  Fuck-it.  It's just not worth it.  My therapist says it is emotional abuse.

I know I should leave.  I have no money to go anywhere.  Either one of my kids would have me but they are financially unstable.  I could sell my house that was fully paid for in 1988 but that now has a mortgage that is equal to the amount my house is worth now. 

I could.  I would.  I should.
Not looking for pity here.  I am the fool.  I know that.