Post Christmas Post.

I would sooooo love to be able to make up something wonderful.  But alas, that is not my thing.  I am far better at complaining and being all hurt and stuff. 
At least I got the most awesome gif.....er wait, I didn't get anything.  Actually, I got the baby Jesus and there is no better gift.
And the Christmas we had when I was at my son's in Nov/Dec truly was wonderful. 
Christmas eve at Chuck's "cousins" was so much fun.  But in my mind-not reality-I feel like I don't belong.  I feel like Chuck and I are intruding on that families Christmas.  They had their house remodeled and it is beautiful.  It was beautiful before.  My house is about as far from being a home as you can get.  The cousin that hosted the evening is married to her one and only husband and they are so close to their 2 daughters who are in their late 20's.  I long to be adopted by them.  It's always fun and laughter.  I mean, the family that drinks together stays together, right?  And I don't mean that in a bad way.  They are all healthy and happy and active.
So, I couldn't use my kitchen for the past three days.  I had intended to make my mom's Turkey Tetrazzini  that is to die for yesterday.  Chuck knew this.  Instead, he made shrimp and a friend he invited over for Christmas dinner brought beef tips that he had grilled.  They were soooo good!  And God bless Chuck that he invited George.  While he is always sloshed-well beyond that actually-he is the best guy!  Then another guy from down the street brought over a pizza that he had made on his grill.  Just dropped it off and went back home to his company.
So today I was starting to prepare the tetrazzini and all of a sudden he is in there making oysters.  "You don't need the oven do you?"  Really? 
Tomorrow I am making it and also the lasagna.  I don't care if he eats it or not.  And if/when he shoves me out of the way with a proprietary "S'cuse me," I will be shoving back hard. 
I woke up with my immediate panic/anxiety of having to start another day.  There's no reason for this and the feeling goes away as soon as I actually get out of bed.  I felt good for a change and had alot of things I wanted to do - I'm talking household chores.  Didn't take long before the orders, suggestions, etc. started coming.  I instantly feel defeated.  I told him the things I was planning to accomplish and somehow it turned into him telling me to re-read the marriage papers.  WTF!  I didn't even know how to respond to that.  Like is he talking about OBEY?  I took 2 Xanax and began my day.
So.....we sent Dawn, her husband and kids cards with $50 cash in them.  Immediately Nathan texted me a thank-you.  Dawn is almost 39.  Jer is almost 39.  Cain will be 18 in April.  Nate just turned 16.  Meadow will be 13.  I wrote special notes to them also.  I asked Dawn if the kids got theirs.  She did said she didn't know.  And had I not texted Merry Christmas to Dawn, I don't think she would have thanked me.
God Bless Nathan.  He is thoughtful and caring.  He-like me-is the middlechild.  We are the peacemakers.
Don't think I have nothing left to complain about.  Stay tuned.  You know something will come up.


Hope you all had a Christmas full of family and fun.  alcohol

The party is the day after Halloween!

I just found out Hunter leaves Nov. 1st!    Christmas is coming early here in Pleasantville. 
I will be wrapping myself in GLEE!
 May even put up my Christmas tree.
 So what if the only one here to enjoy it is me?
I will find beauty in all that I see,
Cuz no one will be here to steal my joy.  Opps.  I was on a roll there for a minute.

Now Maggie has a big bump on the top of her head.  Since I am the gentle one in the house and I don't recall any cinder block falling on her head......well, I shutter to think.  You really think it just mysteriously appeared?  On the plus side.....she is fine.  Nothing different about her behavior.

We have a gift certificate for the apple orchard and I need to see if Hunter wants to go in the next day or two.  He is gone most of November and I think they close Dec. 1st.  I love their apple cider donuts!!!!!!!  We buy a bunch and leave out a few, freezing the rest.  Then I heat them just a touch in the microwave.  To die for!

I hate that Halloween will be cold.  I always like to sit out and hand out the candy.  I light candles and I get to see all the kids.  They don't have to climb the few steps up to the door.  And I hand out treats to the dogs.  But I don't think I will be doing that this year.

Hey!  All you guys in the way of the storm......please be safe.  Peace.

Can you see the anger inside of me?

I don't even know if it's because Hunter is home or if it's one of the joyful, out of nowhere feelings I wake up with.  Why can't  I wake up with a "I'm gonna run around the neighbor hood today.  With balloons.  With a pinwheel.  Wearing my weirdest clothes and my tiara!"
You are right. I do wear weird clothes anyway.  Be glad.  I usually just wear my PJ's if I am not going out.

I am going to start decorating for Christmas now.  No,....I am not rushing the season.  It's just that I have some room now and before Hunter brings more shit in....I am putting up my deckies and my tree.  Yes.  My tree.  I haven't had a tree up in 5-6 years.  No room.  "Course Hunter brought the  hates me   dog back with him.  I'm sure  biter  Maggie will tear it apart.  But I don't care.  Just gives me one more thing to cry about. Seriously.  Have you ever heard of anyone who cries because their dog doesn't like them?  Everyone says I am too sensitive but I wonder if it because I think only of myself.  I mean...I don't think I do but what if.....?

Sorry about the fact that it got cloudy the minute I hung the sheets on the line.  It is my fault.  My grandma used to call when it rained or got clouding and she'd ask if I had clothes on the line.  Usually I did.  Of course it was a joke between us but it happens often.

I need to see what room Hunter is going to be messing around in today so that I can work in another room.  I think he is going to be outside washing his truck.  Yay!  I get to do stuff in the bathroom and kitchen!  I need to go through cabinets and clean the bathroom.  Finish dishes. Blah, Blah, Blah.

And so I leave you with that.  Just a big old BLAH.